Larry and I

Learning to Cope with Stress

2008-05-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

Well, after some argument with her, I am learning to adjust my own responds to problems and to take things more positively. I hope I can keep this up for the better and I hope everything will go well for us. :)

It's been a Long Time

2008-05-23T14:49:00.000-07:00

Yes it's been a long time since I wrote something here. Anyway lately things have not been going so great inside of me. I think there is just too much hurt and frustration that even a healthy dose of beer and alcohol could not drown my sorrows. I smoked a lot more and I am having more and more suicidal thoughts. I really don't want to be like this. I guess its timing.

Well, I still having some hang over as I am writting this with some dizzy spell or maybe a hang over after last night heavy drinking. I have not been drinking this much well since... can't remember. Back to the point of what I am trying to say..

My friend was like this too for almost 5 years. Everytime he drinks or really talk about his relationship, he is kinda depressed and angry. I guess I didn't do a very good job fixing myself too. I am like his state too when he was having a hard time.

Problem is there is just too much hurt inside. I mean I cannot explain it. Everytime I want to care about her, that I feel bad and worried about her, I also feel like I am holding her back from her dreams. She wants to continue being a flight attendant. And for the live of me, when I see her vomit and faint, I cannot help it but tears keep flowing down. I only want to love and care but not stopping her from her dreams.

Dammit sometimes I feel like I am tying her up with a chain. But again I cannot help it when I know she is so sick at times and all alone and abroad. There is a huge tidal wave of conflict in me.
I only hope all this depression in me will not kill our relationship.

I try so hard these days to change my personality. I keep telling myself smile even if I am in trouble, smile even when I am depressed. Smile even if I am angry. But I ended up causing pain to my beloved. I was drunk.. Said some stupid things to her. Tried to be happy when I can't. Hahaha actually I try to be the rainbow guy that she wants me too.. Seems like I am like the clown with a huge smile drawn outside my face, but I am actually frowning. I really want to be happy.

Lynn please hang on for a while. I will be back to my good self when I somehow learn to handle all these feelings and conflict inside. I am sorry for what I've said and did yesterday.

The Way so far

2008-05-07T05:53:00.000-07:00

It have been long time that I have not came here and wrote down something. Some person should think we broke up so both of us didn't come and write down anything here.

The truth is : We have still love each other and always be happy. Larry is good. He is the good guy. He always try to do everything for me :) . I love him a lot and think he is only man who can do those kinds of things for me.

Next week will be our anniversary Yeah !! 2 years already for long love distance. I have never thought we can do that. Every month was passed so tough. Happiness, Sadness we try to get through it together. So many times both of us want to give up. But we have a little dream that we will be togethere in one day.

Larry try to find the job in Thailand. Because he think that it is the best way for us. He nearly to get the job. The company invited him to interview but unfortunetly i can not get. May be it's because god hate us or want to test us more.

I just want him to know that I believe he can do that. Although the way for us is so tough and far but I know he will build the bridge and bring us be together

Mojikung soo soo dai :)

I can not make him happy

2008-01-11T08:54:00.000-08:00

May be I have to go because I can not make him happy. Nearly 2 years we are couple but I don't know how many time he feel happy to be with me. In 1 year and nine months, we got through so many things together but most of the time he choosed to be suffered because want to see me happy.

He should to support me to be flight attendant although he has to flight with his own feeling a lot. He know what will happen to my health if I'm the flight attendant. But it's my dream so he have to support me no matter what.

I always see his eyes sad because I did something wrong. I can see how he was suffer by the thing I said. I know he try so hard for making me happy.

He bought compter and did all internet access because don't want me be lonely when I'm far from home. He try to be with me when I want someone. He try to listen and understand all the crap things I said. He try to find the new job because want us to be together.

And what I do for him......I be more evil...make him sad and nurvous......he has to spend a lot of money because of my demand. I make him feel bad. I make him feel sad and I have never understand what he want..... That's me

May be I should go.....May be if he know a new girl he will be more happy.....May be other girl know how to take him more than stupid girl like me............

2007-12-14T21:23:00.000-08:00

Something is nice to share

2007-12-09T22:23:00.000-08:00

The parable of the farmer and the wheat

Misery only means that things are not fitting with your desires--and things never fit with your desires, they cannot. Things simply go on following their nature. Lao Tzu calls this nature Tao. Buddha calls this nature Dhamma. Mahavir has defined religion as "the nature of things." Nothing can be done. Fire is hot and water is cool.

The wise man is one who relaxes with the nature of things, who follows the nature of things. And when you follow the nature of things, no shadow is cast. There is no misery. Even sadness is luminous then, even sadness has a beauty then. Not that sadness will not come--it will come, but it will not be your enemy. You will befriend it, because you will see its necessity. You will be able to see its grace, and you will be able to see why it is there and why it is needed.

I have heard an ancient parable--it must be very ancient, because God used to live on the earth in those days. One day a man came to him, an old farmer, and he said, "Look, you may be God, and you may have created the world, but one thing I must say to you: you are not a farmer. You don´t know even the ABC of farming. You have something to learn."

God said, "What´s your advice?"

The farmer said, "You give me one year´s time, and just let things be according to me, and see what happens. There will be no poverty left!"

God was willing, and one year was given to the farmer. Naturally, he asked for the best, he thought only of the best--no thunder, no strong winds, no dangers for the crop. Everything was comfortable, cozy, and he was very happy. The wheat was growing so high! When he wanted sun, there was sun; when he wanted rain, there was rain, and as much as he wanted. This year everything was right, mathematically right. But when the crops were harvested, there was no wheat inside. The farmer was surprised.

He asked God, "What happened? What went wrong?"

God said, "Because there was no challenge, because there was no conflict, no friction, because you avoided all that was bad, the wheat remained impotent. A little struggle is a must. Storms are needed, thunder, lightning is needed. They shake up the soul inside the wheat."

This parable is of immense value. If you are just happy and happy and happy, happiness will lose all meaning. It will be as if somebody is writing with white chalk on a white wall. Nobody will ever be able to read it. You have to write on a black board, then it comes clear. The night is as much needed as the day. And the days of sadness are as essential as the days of happiness. This I call understanding.

Once you understand it, you relax--in that relaxation is surrender. You say, "Thy will be done." You say, "Do whatsoever you feel is right. If today clouds are needed, give me clouds. Don´t listen to me, my understanding is tiny. What do I know of life and its secrets? Don´t listen to me! You just go on doing your will." And, slowly slowly, the more you see the rhythm of life, the rhythm of duality, the rhythm of polarity, you stop asking, you stop choosing. This is the secret. Live with this secret, and see the beauty. Live with this secret, and you will be suddenly surprised: How great is the blessing of life! How much is being showered on you every moment!

Learn to be friend with loneliness

2007-12-02T04:58:00.000-08:00

I'm cabin attendant. It's a job which I dream and try to be. Many people were suffered by my ambitious. Especially my dear, Larry. Although I hurt him a lot but he still love me and always beside me.

I have worked for Jalways since May.....Umm eight months already. I was trainnee for six months and I start to be real cabin attendant for 2 months. Seem like I passed so many things in this 8 months. And he too....

I earn more money. I can travel and see the world more than other people. My job is so easy. Don't have much problem. It finish flight by flight. My colleagues change every flight. If you hate someone, it has not much chance to see her again. Seem like very happy life. But where is my happy.

I cry very often since I have worked here. I feel very lonely and always keep thinking about him. Although this is the job I like but I feel bad every time when I have to be alone. I'm trying to be friend with loneliness. But It is not friendly to me. It made me scare and think a lot when I have to be with. sigh...

Everytime I'm weak and sick. The most person will suffer is him. He know my story more than my parent. hehe I tell him everything until sometime I feel it too much for him. I hurt him by my story...sigh... I know how he worried about me. I know how he feel when he know have something bad happend to me but he can not do anything. Don't know how to say, Don't know how to make me feel better........

My health is getting worse. Keep vomotting. Because country change so time change. The more I be like this is the more he nurvous. sighh....

I just hope.. I can be better so he won't suffer anymore

Worried..

2007-11-05T04:07:00.000-08:00

Dear,

Sometimes I feel so helpless when I see you suffer. Now that you are vomiting blood which I don't know how much but I know you have internal stomach problem again, I really feel so heavy. My heart seems to sink when you asked me, "will you die?". I really don't want to be like your dad. Its so hard to go through life without you although I must. It must have been really painful for your dad. And some people just don't know how to smile again when their loved one dies like that. Thank god your dad does.

You know, sometimes when we say you are still young is because you have not gone through this kind of hurt like knowing you can never see, touch or hear the person you have love anymore. For this reason I am young too. But each day I feel like I am closer and closer to become old. I feel like your life would not be long spend with me. I really think its not fair that you have to go through all this and wish I can tell you I really love you and miss you. But those are just words.

Love is selfish too. It wants to possess. It wants to own someones heart and loyalty. It wants to be loved back. I cannot love if you are not with me anymore. I can only feel pain and emptiness without your smile and your touch. I will miss you so greatly to know that a big part of me and my memories have died if you are gone.

Dear, I always pray for your health because I am selfish. Because I don't want you to leave me no matter what. I don't want to part with you wondering have I loved you enough or cared enough for you. But I can't always love you that way. I am not capable. But I am selfish.. I want you. Cause I love you...

Something like a Dream

2007-10-26T20:19:00.000-07:00

Being with her feels like a dream. It was when I feel complete and not think of anyone I want anymore. I just want to be with her now. But there are so many things that we need to go through together still.

I have to be in Thailand or she has to come here to make this work. We also have to work out her deep and complicated relationship with her first ex. And her father to accept me. Sometimes I do want to give up in all this. My friend did say that sometimes it is NOT that a couple cannot work things out but rather the people and the situation around them that tear them apart. I think the people around us do play an important role in our long distance relationship. Thank God that there are still people that are supportive of us to be together. I think her mom really helped.

I am afraid too. I am afraid that we could not last and what all these "nay" sayers have their wish come true. That will rob us of our dreams and believe of a Happy beginning, I mean a good married life. Why it is so hard for 2 people who loves each other to be together? Things really aren't as simple as we thought it could be. Anyway I am glad that I know her, love her and is love by her.

Someday I want to hold her hand and say this; Lynn,
I stand here today awaited long for these years of my life. To start a new beginning. To change my life and leave the very world I know behind. To make you my world and share whatever that is in it. The good, the bad the bitter sweet chapters of our lives.

From today onwards, you will not be lonely.. You will always have my unwavering support and love. You will not feel empty because my love, you can always drink from the wells of my heart for the warmth that you need and seek all your life.

As long as there is still breath of sanity in me, I will do all in my power to keep the promises I gave to you and honour them as I honour you who is my life, my best friend and most of all my wife..

Something inside is burnning me

2007-10-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

Have you ever have the feeling like you always afraid of everything? Afraid of your feeling, Afraid of your job, Afraid of your lover, Afraid of people around you, Afraid and Afraid.......

Now I feel like that. May be you not understand that feeling .....because I still don't know how to handle it. I just hope I will find the way to control and make everything are better.

I afraid of my boyfriend will be annoyed by me. I know the things I'm doing, the sentences I said made him feel not nice. Sometime I just want to be the winner in that game. Sigh.....

Seem like every bad things was happened because of myself. I'm killing people who love me by the words, bad attitude and bad gesture......Inside me is burning ....I can not control it and I don't know How it's happened? don't know "How to handle?"....................................

I know you don't understand what the thing I wrote upper. Sorry for waste your time to read it. And No need to understand my story. Because I still don't understand myself. So I'm not expect other people will understand..............

Sweet Words and Promises

2007-09-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

Remember when we are in love and we make sweet promises to our lovers? We told them that we will always be there for them no matter what, for better or worse and even when they are way too cranky. Well, the easiest part is to make the promise but the hardest will have to be to deliver them when you don't feel like most. Some one once said making promises are like making babies, easy to make but hard to deliver (give birth to). That is when you yourself are going through a rough period. So some times we have to forget our pain and focus on others that we care for.

Lynn is on her first flight and she does not get enough sleep or eat regularly. I do not take pride of my predictions that all these will happen and her career will take a toll on her and also our relationship. She was driven by passion and blinded by excitement. Nothing could have stopped her at that time. And so I must go through this although I really hope my last worry does not come true. That all these will eventually tear us apart or worse still she suffers irrepairable damage to her health. Sometimes I think I know everything and can see what is coming. But what I see is coming is really not good now. Seems like base on the current time zone shifts what she goes through it will only worsens her health. All I can do now is to hope that she can adapt as fast as she can emotionally and also physically. Her character needs someone to be there for her all the time. I offered to be that guy not knowing that she will raise the chalenge. Not knowing that we will further apart and separated by more miles, oceans and even time zones. Right now I cannot help but worry about her..

I really need to have the strength to keep up with her emotional needs. I need to keep my promises. But there is always the straw that breaks the camel's back. When there is just too much to handle and just a little more you lose it. Well, life is tough. And we are sworn heroes. We must carry the weight of our loved ones on our shoulder.. Haha.. Too much cartoons again..

Tokyo Trainning and missing you

2007-09-03T06:46:00.000-07:00

As you have already read my lovely boyfriend story. I went to Japan for 2 weeks for my Cabin Attendant trainning. The tough trainning nearly to pass. My dream will come true soon. During this trainning my boyfriend, Larry always beside me and gives the big encourage to me. Without him I don't know I can pass this trainning or not.

I know I hurt him a lot for choosing this way but he still support me.Seem like I'm a devil for him. Two weeks in Tokyo was a good experience for me. Home sick, Sad , Nobody care , Loneliness. But at the end of the story is I came back home with succeesful.

When I was there. Every minutes I so scared to missing him. I know he should be sad and lonely. Normally we have already far when I went to Tokyo it made us further. I miss him a lot when I went to travel my mind always think about his suvernior . (may be I think to much so I don't know what I should buy for him haha)

Baby, I know becasue of me you have to pass the tough thing but please know I always appreciate the thing you did for me and that why I love you so much because you always care and give the thing I want to me. Love you na Tee ruk

Juggling Life

2007-08-24T22:04:00.000-07:00

Girlfriend, Boss, Future Mother in Law and housemate.. All of these people have different needs and expectations. It was once said that a man has to be able to write sonets, serenade his love, compose peotry, cook, clean after himself, do maths, manage & earn money, take care of children, fix the broken tap, buy groceries, does his job and deliver on time, drive a car, plan a holiday for someone and well survive without housemate paying his rent and all.. And yet still come out smiling. Of course this is my rendition of what was originally said by.. someone. But the point is somehow we must pull this through and not fret or complain. If we ever do so than we are considered weak, disorganised or worse lazy.. Some of this task is mundane and rather easy.

But when your boss gives you pressure to deliver, your girlfriend is away from home for the first time and she keeps crying and she is sick and she expects you to call to Japan with your already tight budget and also your housemate has not pay the rent and you cannot find where the hell is he.. I guess it kinda a burden for me already. And her mom is also coming on Monday to help me out to get a job in Thailand.. (I really appreciate that) but that means well, social expectations.. I think deep in my mind is I don't want to screw up.

Anyway, I must pull through this I tell myself. When is my pay coming?? 28th Aug it seems. but her mom is coming on the 27th!! Well good thing she will be landing here only at 10.30 pm. Means to hotel and nap nap hehe..

My housemate haven't pay his rent. Means I am short of RM250 and my bank.. No money. Wallet only some coins. This is going to be a sad weekend. No where to go and no money damn. On top of that, my dad calls and seems like he needs money from me. Sigh, the guilt is so heavy.

Boss says I have to deliver my work this Monday, that is why I am here at work today. Sigh, should spend less time writting this blog and get back to work. Just another sad story from a loser. Hope I can get through this. Something I have learnt; "see ler, try to be hero ler.. hero die young don't you know that?" That is what I get for trying to be more than I ever can be. try to be the strong shoulder for others.. I bang head on with walls.. Really hard..

My Baby is Going to Japan

2007-08-14T17:18:00.000-07:00

I think many people would like to travel and the thought of going to Japan.. wow.. This Sunday, she is going to Japan for 2 weeks. Where in this land, its hard for me to reach her by the usual means of telephone. So I guess internet is the next best thing. I can't help feeling down knowing she will be miles further away from me than she already is. Distance do make the heart grows fonder.

Initially when she told me that she got the job to be flight attendant.. I was really sad and disappointed. It was so hard for me to let her go. Now the time has really come. I have accepted her ambition already. Tried to encourage her as much as I can to stay on her course in realising her dream. Gave her all my best wishes and kissed her forehead telling her to go ahead. Sometimes I feel like I am already a father, getting older beyong my actual age.

She told me that training in Japan will be a lot harder than what she went through in Bangkok. I hope that she can take it. It's a feeling like seeing your own child going to study abroad for the first time. A lot of apprehension and fears that something will go wrong. Wanting for some moment to go with her and make sure she is alright. But to look at the bright side, this is a chance for her to be more independent. And I do hope her health can take it.

This few days its like a dark cloud hovering above my head. It seems like it will be raining on me. I know she is afraid to go there too. After all its her first time truly away from home. She has travel before to visit friends and all. But this time its about work and discipline. Not where is the fun in that. I guess this is the last few steps to realise her dreams.

Hope she stay course and move forward and her health gets better and not worse.

Lynn, love you.. I really want to make it in life with you. Like I have always told you, there is only 1 Lynn, please take good care of her. Cause I cannot find any more replacements IF I lost my one and only..

Baby..ni tze wo ther wei ee.. haha Wong Lee Hom's song that "you are my one and only"..

What is going on?

2007-07-29T02:55:00.000-07:00

So long time , I did up any story in this blog. And he as well. After I wrote some story in Thai and made him feel sad because I wrote something he can not understand. After that topic, I don't have any emotion to write down the story any more.

I'm trainnee for Jalways. The airline company which I will be its cabin attendent soon. The trainning is very tough and tired. So many times I came back home and cried. So many times I think I did the wrong decision. But Larry has never been far. He always beside me and calls me every day. No matter how he feel bad at that day but he always try his best for making me feel better.

I know, I always think about myself, I always worry and nurvous about my job , my friends. I know, he should feel sad sometime. I know he always try to be here when I want him but how many times I try to be there for him.. How bad I am..

After we didn't see each other for 2 months. He will come to Thailand this weekend. So Exciting. Miss him a lot.

Come Together..

2007-06-05T17:16:00.000-07:00

Times are getting harder or is it that the problems are getting bigger or maybe we always forget our pass difficulties and focus and is only focus at our problem at hand so we think that its overwhelming at the very moment? Or maybe we feel down, sad and depressed that every problem seems just to much to handle.

She can be happy reading emails in english in the past but when she feels down she might think its very hard to understand having to refer to dictionary once in a while. She can get frustrated and feel more bad that her english is bad. On the other hand, I can feel sick and pressured with job and feel that the problems I have are unending. All this spills over to our relationship and makes things between us hard too. But all this is part of our lives. We have to learn to cope with it. And just sometimes we all can feel a little bit down and miss someone so much that we just want to give up our daily lives and run to that person. I want to do that to. But again we are only running. So lets face up, we can be sad and feel bad but that should not stop us from living and loving each other. That's life and we want our lives to be together. We have to work towards it I guess..

Butterflies..

2007-05-21T04:54:00.000-07:00

Wish I can go back to my cocoon,
stayin in a world of my own,
hiding away from this place of bitter cold,
of pain and truth unfolds,
Alone I have always stood,
with company of just momentary sweet,
But alas,
as ashes I come and ashes I disintegrate..

So I will live my life of 2 weeks, eat, mate and die..
There is no shelter for this life of mine.
No solitude for this weary soul just mockery as I was told.
For I am not a beautiful butterfly,
more like a hideous moth,
gory to the eyes.

I thought I have met my final place of rest,
Need not fly away or be squashed I prayed,
but I guess this is never my space,
Only blissful winks of less than a minute,
I will fly again and away I bet,
into another strange net,
and duefully crushed to end my misery..

NOTE: Ppl told me no need to take things so seriously one.. Like that only also must write poetry. Somemore with so many words of misery. Just take things easy.. drink and be happy. There is always Merry.. Okler. This is nothing to do with life and death. Just a simple story of rhyme sad theory.. Not to be taken seriously.. :)

2007-05-20T17:38:00.000-07:00

I believe I can fly

2007-05-12T08:04:00.001-07:00

I like this song a lot. Umm I always believe, I can fly and now my dream is come true. Hope when you listen this song, you will have more inspiration for following you dream.

I Believe I can fly
By: R.Kelly

I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning on the everlasting arms

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[1] - I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly
I believe I can fly

See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first I know it starts inside of me, oh

If I can see it, then I can be it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Repeat 1]

Hey, cuz I believe in me, oh

If I can see it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothign to it

[Repeat 1]

Hey, if I just spread my wings
I can fly
I can fly
I can fly, hey
If I just spread my wings
I can fly
Fly-eye-eye

My Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-05-10T12:11:00.001-07:00

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Moji Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-05-10T12:00:00.001-07:00

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

My last week for my freedom

2007-05-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

On 15 may (Next week) I will be Jalways's cabin crew trainee. Although I'm very happy for making my dream come true but seem like it's just start. I have many things have to learn in this three months. Start from foudation Japanese language (20 lessons in 15 days) and then will have the exam which I have to do at least 80 score from 100. After that I will learn F1 and F2 which are conversation and situaton in cabin. Then I will study emergency.......I will go to Japan on 19 August hehe seem like.... It's very long time"""

For last week for my freedom. I spend my time with review my Japanese lessons. Although can not finish 20 lessons like other friends but I will try my best to do good score. Moreover spend my money with shopping for dresses, shoes, make up, bags etc... and my new laptop (Copta). I spend aroud 50,000 bath for those stuffs ... very crazy!!!

I also met up my friends such as Pui, Hallie we went to shopping and watched movie togther. Also met chair and P' Num for dinner. And also have plan to meet AIESEC friends in this saturday.

My feeling now is happy and not happy in the same time, I'm happy to get this job but I'm tired to fake with this social. don't want to say much.....

My dad has plan to buy the new home. That's a good news. Hope it will become true soon. I want my own bedroom........

Hallie and I @ JJ Market

Dinner with Chair and P'num at MK

Copta..... My new laptop (7 May 2007)

Get body Confident

2007-05-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

We all have days when we don't feel too hot. Whether we've got a spot on our nose or our hair's looking a bit dodgy, we all have our own pet hate when it comes to our looks.
Take a look at some of the ways you can bounce back if you're having a bad body image day.

Top it off

Bad hair days are a fact of life. Even supermodels and the hottest celebs have hairdos like haystacks when they get up in a morning.

Wash and go
For some hair types, washing your hair too often can make it harder to style. Try and leave it for a few days until your hair's natural oils kick in and make it easier to manage.

Grease is the word
If your hair's the type to go greasy pretty quickly, try and avoid putting product in it and only get it wet when you're intending to wash it.

If the cap fits
If your hair's really not going your way, try and accessorise with hats and caps. Most people forget about hats, but they're not only very much in fashion, but they make you stand out too!

Face facts
See those celebs on the cover of magazines with their perfect skin and gleaming smile? Very few people in the world look that good without a bit- or a lot- of help.

Picture perfect
Photos can be manipulated digitally to iron out any wonky noses or freckles so if you fancy looking like that, you're better off taking a photo of yourself, doing some computer wizardry and plonking the photo on your face. Stars have their rough days too; they're only human.

Spot on
If your skin's not playing ball and you're having an attack of the dreaded spots, just make sure you wash your face and moisturise, using gentle products that won't irritate your skin further. Your doctor or a pharmacist might be able to help.

For a quick fix, think about using a hypo-allergenic subtle concealer or foundation This isn't just one for the girls; there's nothing wrong with a guy taking advantage of a cover-up.

Body blues
Ninety nine per cent of us think are body's below par when it comes to the way it looks, but why? Sure, some celebs look great in magazines but they have loads of money at their disposal and don't forget that little bit of camera trickery.

I am what I am
The best thing to do if you don't have a Hollywood bod is to learn to love the one you've got. Your pet hate, be it lumps and bumps or skinny legs, is what makes you the person you are.
So your feet are pretty big, so what? Shop around and you can find the right shoe to suit you. So your bum's more of a peach than pea-sized, big deal!

Shop around
Don't be afraid to go into shops and ask the advice of an assistant on what clothes will suit you. They'll like nothing better than to be asked their opinion on clothes and you shouldn't be paranoid about asking them; they're not going to waste a sale by mocking the knobbliness of you knees.

Think yourself up
They key to being body confident is to go easy on yourself; stop beating yourself up over your bad bits and focus on what's great about you.
Maybe you've got nice eyes, a cool smile or great hair. Use your best feature to the max, learn to love your body and you'll send out such a positive vibe that nobody will notice that zit on your chin!

Jal Gang

2007-05-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

My life is like the circle now. Every day has to learn Japanese and Japanese. It's harder and harder. The more I learned is the more I get more confuse in the same time. The last lesson still don't understand but I have to recieve the new lesson again. And I start to get in lazy mood...haha. Most of my friends they will finish 20 lessons before trainning but for me and other 3 friends can not make it finish. The most we can study is 13 lessons. I try to tell myself that No need to follow them. Although I learn 20 lessons but I have to study all of lessons again when I go to trainning center. And although I can study all but It's not mean I will understand all. So I prefer quality more than quantity. (Seem like excused)
My Jal gang has 4 people inculde me. My friends are very cute and have different personality and Character. I like them. We have good time together. And also have many plans to do together such as go to study together and plan to review the lessons together. We also plan to shopping together. No need to say which plan was acheived. Shopping is the last plan we plan in our schedule but It was our first thing we did......hahaha +
Let me say something about my friend....
1. MAy, she is very beautiful and look sexy girl. She has big eyes and thick brown eyes. She older than me one year and graduated from Abac University.
2. NAme, she is pretty and very confident. Learn fast and always says thing very direct and I found that she was born in October ....
3. P' Baby she is oldest in our group but seem like her face will cheat on her age. Sh e look very young. She try so hard to study Japanese. And she always say she is too old to study. But I know she can do that.
4. Me ......nothing to say about me ....haha
We went to eat som tum together and MAy took the picture for us. Thank you for her pictures. ...... I just hope, when we go to trainning school. We will have the chance tost ay in the same class. As I know they will seperate the classroom to 20 and 20 ......I want to study with them .........
Som Tum

Name and P' Baby

May and Me

Want to up my blog more a bit about my part time job from my ex-company (on May 4 2007) After had finished the job. I went to watched spider man 3 with Pui and Hallie at SFW (Central World) .I was dissapointed by theatre and movie. hehe Should not expect too much. While we were watching movie, the light in the theatre was turned on, included Hip hop music. I don't know what was happended? but It made my mood stuck hehe ..... Moreover, I don't know what's happended with my spider man. He is very dumb and look funny in this episode. And I think Larry is very look like spider man. I mean his personality lor :P....

If I am a food what kind of food would I be?

2007-05-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we try to compare ourselves to something imaginary. Like placing ourselves in situation and compare to it and see where we stand or to define ourselves. Well lets put it this way, we like to understand ourselves a little bit more everyday. Its fun.

If I am a food, what kind of food would I be? I think I would be dark chocolate. Look like something sweet but bitter to the taste. I think like that because of the things I wrote to Lynn. I try to be sweet but a lot of times I have to give Lynn a dose of reality. So I think I am bitter to her. Cause not many times she likes to hear these thoughts.. and sometimes if I get intoxicated with alcohol, I would be dark chocolate with Liquor in it.. :)

Well, if Lynn would become a food I know what she would be. Yup porkchop... Haha.. Nice to eat yam yam.. juicy and thick. Full of flavour and sweet smell of meat. Nothing sexual here please.. Just that I used to eat at Sizzler's with her and her friends. Love the thick meat there. And always associate food to her. Must be my nature of liking meat.. Until the day I lose my teeth, I like meat..porkchop

I like shopping

2007-05-01T11:46:00.000-07:00

ช่วงนี้ก็ยังอยู่ในช่วงเตรียมตัวเทรน ทั้งเตรียมภาษาญี่ปุ่น เตรียมตัวเตรียมใจ นอกจากสิ่งเหล่านี้แล้วยังต้องเตรียม เสื้อผ้า สูท กระเป๋า รองเท้า และอุปกรณ์แต่งตัวอีก เช่น เนทติดผม ยาทาเล็บ เป็นต้น เพื่อใส่ไปช่วงเทรน หลายๆคนอาจคิดว่าสิ้นเปลืองทำไมต้องซื้อด้วย จริงๆมันก็สิ้นเปลืองอะนะ แต่ถ้าเรามี มันก็ไม่ต้องซื้อ แต่หลินไม่มี มีสูท ตัวเดียว จะให้ใส่ทั้ง เจ็ดวันก็คงไม่ได้ เนทติดผมที่มีอยู่ก็เป็นสองชั้น ไม่ถูกระเบียบ เสื้อตัวในก็มี Shirt แขนสั้นอยู่ตัวเดียว เหอๆ มันมีไม่พอเลยต้องซื้อ รายการต่อไปนี้ คือ สิ่งที่ไป Shop มาแล้ว

เมื่อวานไปถอยสูท มา 2 ชุด (สีฟ้า และน้ำตาล ตอนแรกอยากได้สีชมพูแต่ไม่รู้ถูกระเบียบรึเปล่า เลยไม่กล้าซื้อ)กับเสื้อสูทอีกหนึ่งตัว (สีดำ ชอบดีไซน์มาก แต่กระโปรงสั้นเกินเลยซื้อได้แค่เสื้อ)รวมเป็นราคา 3150 บาท

ส่วนเนทติดผมก็ซื้อแล้ว ราคา สามสิบบาท หน้า Central Complex

รองเท้าก็ซื้อแล้ว ของ Batuga ราคาลด 50 % 850 บาท

รายการที่เหลืออยู่ตอนนี้ก็คือ เสื้อตัวในใส่กับสูท และ กระเป๋า Naraya ตอนแรกจะไปซื้อตั้งแต่วันจันทร์และ แต่ด้วยอานิสสงค์ของเพื่อนคนนึงที่เรียนมิราอิด้วยกัน (โรงเรียนสอนภาษาญี่ปุ่น) มันเบี้ยวไม่ไปซื้อกระเป๋า NARAYA ด้วยกันในวันนั้น ชั้นจึงต้องไป Shop ในวันนี้ เหตุเกิดเมื่อ กระเป๋า NARAYA ทรงและลายคุณป้า ในสายตาเรา กลับกลายเป็นกระเป๋าที่ยอดฮิตในสาวแจลที่กำลังเทรนเป็นอย่างมาก คงเป็นเพราะกระเป๋าที่ทำจากผ้าซาติน ที่ดูหวาน ผสมกับมีโบว์อันใหญ่ๆ กลางกระเป๋าที่ทำให้ดูน่ารัก (พึ่งเห็นว่ามันน่ารัก ไม่นานมานี้) และประกอบกับความใหญ่ของกระเป๋า จุได้สารพัดสิ่ง จึงทำให้กระเป๋า NARAYA รุ่น S99 ไซด์ M สีดำ ราคา 260 บาทเป็นที่นิยมชมชอบของเหล่าสาวเทรนกันเป็นยกใหญ่

วันนี้ plan ไว้เลยว่าจะไป Shopping เพื่อซื้อกระเป๋า ดังกล่าว ให้ตัวเองและเพื่อน อีก สามคน รวมแล้วจะซื้อ สี่ใบ แต่ไหนๆ ก็ออกจากบ้านแล้ว ก็ไปทำธุระที่ สยามพารากอน ด้วยการไปเบิกเงิน ย้ายโอน ฝากถอน อะไรให้เรียบร้อย เพราะกำลังจะปิดบัญชี กว่าจะเดินหาธนาคารแต่ละธนาคารเจอ เล่นเอาเหนื่อย โดยเฉพาะกรุงศรีเสียเวลาหานานมาก และในที่สุดก็ไม่เจอ เหอๆๆ อะไรมันจะหายากขนาดนั้น หมดอารมณ์หาก็ เลยล้มเลิกไปฝากเงินที่ธนาคารกรุงศรี แวะไปหาเพื่อนที่มาดูหนังที่ พารากอน และถ่ายรูปเป็นที่ระลึก กับ Da เพื่อนซี้ สุดที่รัก Ting กับ Peiching เป็นเพื่อน จาก มาเลเซีย ไม่ได้เจอนาน คิดถึงมากๆ รวมถึงสาวเสื้อเขียวน้องสาวเราเอง วันนี้ต้องขอบใจมากๆ ที่มาเป็นเพื่อนเจ๊น้า

Peiching, Ting Ting, Da and Me

Peiching, Me, My sis and Da

หลังจากนั้นกะจะไป โบนันซ่า แต่ออกมาฝนเจ้ากรรมก็ตก อิชั้น ซึ่งมากับน้องสาวคนสุดท้อง ก็เลยลงมติว่า จะไปเดิน Central world ซะก่อน จะถึง NARAYA ก็ดันหลงไป B2S เลยแวะซื้ออุปกรณ์การเรียนสักหน่อย ถึงจะไป Naraya ดังมุ่งหมาย และเมื่อไปถึงก็ถามคนขายเกี่ยวกับ กระเป๋าที่ต้องการ ปรากฎว่า..... มันหมด ไม่รู้จะมาอีกเมื่อไหร่ คือ......... เสียดายอะ อุตส่าห์มาแล้ว ตั้งใจอย่างมากว่าจะต้องซื้อให้ได้ เคยเป็นมะ เวลาอยากได้อะไรมากๆ ลแมนไม่มี และเป็นวันนั้นพอดีที่มันไม่มีอะ ความรู้สึกมันผิดหวัง ปนหงุดหงิด จริงๆ โดยเฉพาะอย่างยิ่งเพื่อยๆฝากซื้อด้วย ยิ่งรู้สึกแย่ที่ซื้อให้เพื่อนๆ ไม่ได้ แต่ในเมื่อมันไม่มีทั้งสาขานี้ และสาขาอื่นๆ ตามที่คนขายบอก ก็เลยต้องลงชื่อจองไว้ และคงจะกลับไปซื้ออีกทีวันเสาร์ แต่ก็แปลกมากว่า คนเยอะมาก นี่คนชอบกระเป๋า ยี่ห้อนี้มากขนาดนั้นเลยเหรอ แบบคนแน่นร้านเลยอะ บางคนซื้อที่หลายๆใบเลย มันจะเอาไปขายเหรอวะเนี่ย .....แปลก เพิ่งรู้นะนี่ยว่ามังดังขนาดนี้ ยิ่งคนเยอะ และของก็ไม่ได้ อารมณ์เลยเริ่มเสีย หงุดหงิด เลย Shop ประชดชีวิต ซื้อกระเป๋า NARAYA เลยค่าสองใบ เพราะไหนๆ ก็มาแล้ว ต้องได้อะไรตืดไม้ติดมือ ไปบ้าง เหอๆๆ เป็นความคิดที่สิ้นคิดจริงๆ หมด ไป อีก เกือบ 400 ออกมาจาก ร้าน ด้วยความรู้สึกว่า เอ้อ อย่างน้อยก็ได้กระเป๋า เป็นคนที่ต้องได้อะไรแล้วต้องได้จริงๆ เลยช้าน บอกจะเอากระเป๋า ก็ต้องได้ เหอๆๆ แต่มันเอามาใช้ไม่ได้ เวลาไปเทรน ยังไงก็ต้องกลับมาซื้ออีกที เหอๆๆ บ้าไปแล้ว ต่อจากนั้น ก็จะไป โบนันซ่า เห็นตุ๊กตา ตัวนี้น่ารักดีเลยถ่ายมา อิอิ ไปแอบถ่ายคู่กับมันด้วยอะ กล้าไม๊หล่ะ คนมองใหญ่เลย แต่ไม่อาย 555 ถ่ายไป ถ่ายมา มีพี่ผู้ชาย ใส่เครื่องแบบเดินมาหา แต่ไม่ได้มาขอเบอร์แต่อย่างใด พี่แกเดินมาบอกว่า "น้องครับห้าม ถ่ายรูป" อึ๋ยๆๆๆ อดเลย แต่อย่างน้อยก็ได้รูปมา อิอิ

ชอบๆๆ น่ารักไม๊ ตุ๊กตา

อีกหนึ่งรูป.....

หนูขอรูป....

การ Shop ของเรายังไม่จบ เป้าหมายต่อไป ก็คือ โบนันซ่า Shop ไป Shop มาได้เสื้อสายเดี่ยว ใส่กับสูท สามตัว สามสี ขาว ดำ ชมพู ราคา 400 บาท ตุ้มหู 5 คู่ ราคา 100 บาท กิ๊บ ดำ และหวี 20 บาท เสื้อ private อีกหนึ่งตัว ราคา 250 บาท น้ำยาทาเล็บ อีกสองขวด ลดราคา อิอิ สองขวด 90 บาท ดีน้า ที่เหนื่อยก่อนไม่งั้นคง shopกระจายอีกแน่ๆ แต่ตอนนี้กระแสแฟชั่นก็ไม่ใช่สไตล์เราเท่าไหร่ กางเกงขาสั้นกำลังมาแรง อยากใส่เหมือนกันแต่ขาเจ้ากรรมมันใหญ่เกินเยียวยาแล้ว ใส่ไปสงสารคนมอง เหอๆๆ เลี่ยงดีกว่า

ฝนตกทั้งวันเลย แต่ก็ไม่เป็นอุปสรรคต่อการ Shop อิอิ แต่ไม่ตกจะดีกว่าน้า.....วันนี้เป็นอีกวันที่สนุกมากค่ะ ไม่ได้เดินแบบนี้นานแล้ว ไม่อยากคิดเลยว่า แค่ Shop สองวันนี้ อิชั้นใช้ไปเท่าไหร่ เหอๆๆ ไม่อยากคิดเลยจริงๆ แต่ก็มีความสุขทุกครั้งที่ใช้เงิน เศร้าทุกครั้งที่ อัพสมุดบัญชี เหอๆ เป็นเรื่องน่าอนิจจังจริงๆ แต่ยังไงก็ตาม ขอบคุณน้องสาวสุดที่รักอีกครั้ง ที่อุตส่าห์มาเดินหลงทาง กลับอิชั้น เหอๆๆ งวดหน้าจะใช้บริการอีกน้า ขอตัวไปอ่านหนังสือก่อนนะค่ะ

ตบท้ายกับน้องโฟร์ค่า

What's new in my life

2007-04-30T11:10:00.000-07:00

.....I have not wrote anything in our blog for awhile. I have many new things happened in my life in this time. Most of thing is about my new carrer, Cabin crew. I have already went to company for doing many documents such as Visa, Insurance, Opened Bank in Hawai and Tokyo since last week. And I also went to try on uniform. I was excited at that day. Finally, my dream is nearier and nearier.
.....Most of my time spend with Japanese. I have to study this language. And beleive me it's not easy to learn the new language in the short time. I have to force myslef alot to read book and not be lazy as I always be.....I study Japanese sine 10 am - 3.30 pm every Monday Wednesday and Friday. And after class still have to read book for review the lesson since 9 pm-mid night. For Tuesday and Thrusday is the day for Vocaburaly. I will spend whole day for remember the new words. On Saturday and Sunday still study a bit and relax with my Series Movie.
.....New friends in this new carrer. Most of them are pretty. Some of them are beautiful and look perfect. And few of them look very simple ....like me. Many times I asked myself that Why I can be here. IS it the right place for me. And I found the answer that I have something good so I'm here:P...
....I realised something after I talked with Larry in this evening. I realised that everybody have to have their own strenght. Everybody have to have different good point and all of that point will make you see value in yourself.....Seem like I have the problem to find my value long long time ago. I hurt myself a lot because I want to be thin. I change myself a lot because of my ex-boyfriend. And I complained myself alot about I haven't value for myself, my family and this world. But I found my value now. I know what I want to do. And I'm happy with that. I know what is make me better than other people. And what is make me important in this social.
....When Larry asked me about I know his strenght or not and I don't know. It made me feel very guity because he always know about me but I least to know him hehe. I think my read people skill had been better than this. Sorry dear...
...For our love still sweet and nice as always. I love him more and feel close to him more. I trust him and believe in our faith. I'm not care how other people said but just only I know I have him on this pathway it's enough for me. :P

The Voice in Our Heads..

2007-04-22T19:11:00.000-07:00

Today is 23 April 2007,

Time flies so fast. It's going to be one year since we are together. But for me I have always been in love with you since we first met.. Okler started in the club ler. But anyway I really hope that my feelings for you stay this way cause I think I never felt this way about anyone before. I didn't sleep well last night too. Slept at around 2 to 3 am last night. Really feel tired today. But my thoughts keep going back to you. Feel like hugging you to sleep everynight.

I know you always want my support and sometimes I cannot give it to you. I know that the flight attendant thing has been a thorn between us. Cause I find it hard to resolve my acceptance to your dreams and wants. Whenever I hear about your health I feel very difficult and suffocated. When I hear about your JALways friends' priority about beauty (they tried to put on make up whenever they can) I feel like you will be very pressured and put yourself in a bulimic eating disorder again. Dear, do you know that it is very hard to fight the environment especially when everyone around you takes beauty very seriously? My environment takes brain and analyzing skill as paramount. We worship people who has great management skills. We want to be fast accurate and able to resolve problems. We live to be strategists and planners for the fate of our subordinates. I am not saying beauty is not important. And I am not thinking that looks and stating style is not important. On the contrary, giving people a good impression is very important and that is judged by the way we talk and dress ourselves. We want to instill confidence in the ppl we meet. Engineers too.. We have more in common than you think. And brain and management skills are not more important than what you are doing. All these are qualities pressed and measured on us in our respective environment.

I have become this way because of my environment. Because I need to survive and also aspired to be more than I can be. You too want to be more than you can be. You aspire to be outstanding in your field too. You want to be recognised for your ability to treat people well and you want to look good as these are part of the measurement of success in your field. I respect that. Because I too seek recognition. Able to speak Japanese, serving others and also controlling the way you speak to appear "friendly and service minded" are the things you have to be good at in order to be recognised. But I fear, like last time you will take the self damaging way of bulimia and also push yourself towards the limit and suffer greatly afterwards.

Remember when I asked you, "Do you hear my voice sometimes before you do something?" You said yes and you replied that you will imagine what I will complain about you before you do something. Too bad that you keep thinking its a complain. Means in your mind I am always against your idea. (see what I mean about analysing? I am anaylsing the words you said) The point is I hear these voices too. I too was growing up and is still growing. I hear my teachers', yours, friends, parents, my bosses and other ppl's. I imagine how my actions and my world would look like from other ppl's point of view. Somehow these guides me and controls me. They regulate my actions and are build as my inner discipline. I ask this because I want to know do you have them, inner discipline? Are you the type of girl that needs ppl to discipline you or you think that you are already doing a good job without us? You think for yourself in this matter. I complain because I don't agree. I try to tell you many times in hope that you too can have a conversation with yourself (in your mind) of what is wrong and right. We cannot tell you what to do as you are more mature everday. Somehow our voices can be your conscience but the problem is, like everyone else we tend to give into our impulses.

Our needs and wants of that very moment, even if it brings us problems are usually pursued. Than we live with regrets and that trigger other chain reaction. My ex gave into her impulses to kiss that guy (while I was her bf) and she felt very guilty. She told me and I gave into my impulses to break up because I thought she would be happier rather than being stuck in between 2 guys. She gave into her impulses against her good judgement, I gave mine because I cannot handle the damage that was done.

You don't like to hear ppl's experience sometimes because you think that they are not applicable to you and you think you know better. I remind you to remember my words when you face temptation not because I think it will change your decision. But I want you to know that nobody can escape it. The temptation to skip meals and diet like crazy just to be thin, Not to sleep because you want to party all night in a foreign country. The desire to look for attention from other guys when they are interested in you. You want to know where these leads. You want to play along and see if that brings you anywhere. You would be lonely and you will need some care and love just like everyone else..You can be vulnerable. I know because I know you.. I know because I am no different.

So I am telling you this. If you think you have enough discipline than you can decide for yourself. You can fight your own impulses as I fight mine whenever I see some pretty girl and I want to get her number. I feel lonely too. But I remember each other... Remember some path taken cannot be changed and the damage cannot be repaired. That is why I want you to hang out with your friends. You can go out with other guys. As long as you know what you are doing and you know you won't hurt me. Remember I gave you that freedom before and you went out with V and Hong and drank like nobodies business. A few times you got into trouble with Pol and such (rmb when ppl took advantage of you when you were drunk). You did lead them to think that they can be your bf because you failed to tell them that you already have a boyfriend? ("Opps I did again.. I played with your heart letting you think that we can be more than just friends," Birtney Spears)You always tell me because you are lonely and want attention. Yes I know.. You lived and you chose. You hurt and at the end you have nobody to blame but your own choices. So again I am telling you by all means, be all that you can be. Aspire as high as you can. Have fun meeting ppl and have friends. Drink if you want but control yourself and perceive threats wherever you go, whoever you know. Be alert to threats to yourself and our relationship.Take care of your life and health. But remember me as I am waiting for you here. I will be with you everyday when the day come. Please help me to make that happen.. I do need you dear.. Don't let us down..

Love you my teerak....

What's New???

2007-04-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been very long since I wrote anything here. Seems like I don't have a habit to tell the world the going ons of my mind. Which in result pisses my gf off because she thinks I don't take the effort to contribute to our blog which would be perceived as I don't care for our relationship which also means I don't care about her feelings... Sigh, a guy can't win here.

Alright enough of my whinning. I am here on Saturday "supposedly" be working but took some prolonged time off to key a thought or two in here. So far what has been happening to our relationship? I think that other than I trust her more and needed her more and more there is also an uncertain future painted ahead of us. She is going to be a flight attendant soon and realising her dream. I on the other hand seems a bit lonelier for the lack of money (that's right, money can buy you friends :)) and also my best friend who I hanged out with during the absence of Lynn have a steadier relationship with his gf. He will spend more of his weekends with her and I well, have to find something else to do. For me, other than work and money.. There seem to be little things to do. Crap, I have a fallen into another yuppy life style.

Work and work.. no life. Sometimes I think to myself, I should have passion in sports and also reading. I did have. I liked to read, enjoyed hiking and also swimming. But most of all I liked movies. But Lynn is not here. I wanted to do all these things with her. But too bad, there is no on e who shares my passion here. So kinda bored about everything else.

Well on the positive note, I will be more of a workaholic and earn more money. Damn, when will I get promoted. Time to move up. Where is my cheese? I have no idea what I am babbling here.

Well, Lynn had gastric yesterday and I sounded depressed and she was sad too. She told me she would not tell me about her problems anymore if I behave this way. She says I should change the way I talk to her when she was telling me that she had gastric problem because I sounded cold. She doesn't like it when I am like that. To me I sounded more like I have constipation, constipation of words actually.. Darn.. how to tell her what I actually think. After she feels discouraged again. SO when I shuddup she says I am cold.

I am thinking like just how far would we go for our dream. She tried so hard to be a flight attendant and finally she have gotten it. Now she is preparing for it and she feels nervous because her training is very intensive. She faces a lot of pressure. I hope she can go through this without having to suffer for her health. I think having gone through a tough time is good. It fortifies a person. Make them solid and able to handle stress compare to other ppl. A mind can be train and thinking can be changed. And usually pressure makes one improve. But there is a saying, "the mind is willing but the flesh is weak.." What about the physical limits that stops us? I don't want to discourage her. And I think that if she hears or reads about my concern for her health, she will take it as a discouragement from me. I want to give her the full support for her dreams. But my mind is willing but my heart aches. Nobody knows it but me..

So I have to keep on smilling because it is what she wants and it is important to her. I want her to realise it too despite my selfishness of wanting her to be with me I am trying hard to let her go.. I mean in having to prepare for the worst. Whether she finds someone else or suffers for her health; Am I willing to take care of her and also am I willing to forgive her when she comes back from other man's embrace? You already know which is harder to accept. But I must have faith. I keep telling myself that. Sheer optimism base on faith.

I saw her in pain and know how bad it was for her. I really wish I can do something but staring at her feeling helpless is all I can do. I tried to give her encouraging words but I am messed up inside too. I told her to take care of her health and told her not to skip her meals. But when she told me to stop smoking I can't. I think I have trained my mind to find solace in inhaling burning dried tobbacos.. Don't I look cool hehehe..

If I could, I want to be detached from this all. I want to float in the air and not feel pain when I see my loved ones suffers. I want to be detached from worldly matters and from my own feelings and just view this world as it is, knowing that what Buddha had understood. But I guess this lifetime is not for me to attain Nibbana. I cannot do the great renounciation because I am to attached to Lynn. So much for spiritual developement..

Tong Hua

2007-04-08T00:43:00.001-07:00

เพลง Tong Hua / นิยาย

นักร้อง Guang Liang
wang le you duo jiu / ลืมแล้วว่ามันนานแค่ไหน
zai mei ting dao ni / ที่ไม่ได้ยีนเธอ
dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi / เล่าให้ผมฟังนิยายที่เธอชอบที่สุด
wo xiang le hen jiu / ผมใช้เวลาคิดนานมาก
wo kai shi huang le / ผมเรี่มกังวล
shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo le shen me / ว่าผมทำอะไรผิดไปหรือป่าว

#
ni ku zhe dui wo shuo / เธอร้องไห้กับผมว่า
tong hua li dou shi pian ren de / นิยายมันเป็นเรื่องโกหก
wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi / ผมไม่มีวันเป็นเจ้าชายของคุณ
ye xu ni bu hui dong / เธออาจไม่เข้าใจ
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou / หลังจากที่เธอบอกว่ารักฉัน
wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le / ดวงดาวบนท้องฟ้าของผมส่องแสงแปลงประกาย

*
wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li / ผมยอมแปลงเป็นนางฟ้าในนิยายที่เธอชอบ
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou / มือทั้งสองข้าง
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni / แปลงเป็นปีกปกป้องเธอ
ni yao xiang xin / เธอต้องเชื่อ
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li / เชื่อว่าเราทั้ง2จะเหมือนกับในนิยาย
xin fu he k.u.a.i le shi jie ju / มีจุดจบที่ดีและแฮปปี้

Repeat # and *

wo yao bian cheng tong hua li / ผมอยากจะแปลงเป็นนางฟ้าในนิยายที่เธอชอบ
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he *** le shi jie ju

wo hui bian cheng tong hua li / ผมจะแปลงเป็นนางฟ้าในนิยายที่เธอชอบ
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he *** le shi jie ju

yi qi xie wo men de jie ju / สร้างจุดจบที่ดีด้วยกัน

25 things I will do for Larry

2007-03-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

1. I will be mature
2. I will cook for him (hehe...although, I don't know how to cook)
3. I will make him happy
4. I will be prettier and more beautiful
5. I will be healthy
6. I will take care myself
7. I will not skip the meal
8. I will not firlty
9. I will have only him (In my heart)
10.I will not make him angry
11.I will make him proud of me
12.I will not be the materialism girl
13.I will learn to protect myself
14.I will not drink a lot
15.I will not be too sensitive
16.I will learn how to do housekeeper
17.I will be beside him
18. I will not make him annoy
19. I will support him
20. I will be his laugh and smile
21.I will not be too jealous
22.I will make him proud of himself too.
23.I will be his inspiration
24.I will be his dream girl
25.I will be his good wife (don't know when but I hope :P)

Although, It's not much for the thing I will do for him but I really want to do. And I hope I can do everything I wrote above for him.

60 things I love Larry

2007-03-09T08:01:00.000-08:00

1. He always calls me

2. He understand me

3. He like to eat

4. He is not handsome

5. He is funny

6. He always makes me happy

7. He always cares me

8. He always says I'm pretty and beautiful

9. He is my boyfriend

10.He like to watch movie with me

11.He has a sexy eyes when he drunk

12.He is good kisser

13.He always listens to me

14.He cook for me (I love his mama mi)

15.He washed my clothes

16.He bring me to travel around Penang.

17.He go to the club with me. Drink with me. Dance with me and drunk with me

18.I love his dancing

19.I love his massage

20.I love his hug

21.I love when he touch my hair and I feel very warm when he kiss my hair.

23.He is warm

24.He know when I'm sad

25. He always holds my hand and hugs me

26. He always asks how are you?

27. He bought the medicine for me

28. He writes e-mail to me

29. He makes me laugh

30. He always writes our blog although he is lazy

31. He brought me to the good places

32. He is loyal

33. He is patient

34. He respects my dicission

35. He is my inspiration

36. He is my Gardian

37. He has a nice shoulder

38. He is my moji kung

39. He like my body and my skin

40. He call me porkchop

41. He call me baby

42. He call me princess

43. He listen when I have problem and he always help me to solve

44. He is mature

45. I love his opinions

46. He is kind and generous

47. He cares people

48. He teachs me to know what is love, what is give and what is receive

49. He is engineer and he is my teacher too because he always teachs me

50. He is clever

51. He is interested me

52. He cried for me

53. He works hard

54. He let me be the flight attendant

55. He is a good trainer for exercise

56. He like Jay Chou songs

57. He love his family, he care his parent

58. He proud of me

59. He always beside me

60. He love me and I love him (this is the most important thing)

My mom

2007-03-09T06:44:00.000-08:00

Many people told me that my mom is a great woman. She is strong, clever, kind, ambitious and beautiful. Many people love my mom and never forgot her although she have already passed away more than 10 years.

Many people asked me I can remember my mom or not. Frankly, I don't have much memory with my mom. I remember that she very love me. When I was young I'm not healthy so I had to eat a special medicine. She went to my school everyday for giving the medicine to me. I remember that she can not cook and she doesn't like to do housekeeper. she pick me up from the school every evening. I remember she sang the song for me every night although she doesn't know how to sing but that is the most beautiful song for me.

I still remember how sad I am when my dad told me she was not with us anymore. She went to somewhere where is very far. More than 10 years without her. I told myself that I don't want to talk or think about her much. That's not because I'm not love her but I feel I don't want to sad. I know she always beside me. And bring me to the good way. I know she still protect me from the bad thing and bad people. I know she is waiting for seeing my success. And every time I do something done I hope she will proud of me.

I hope, she will be my guardian and I want her to know I love her lot. I want she pray for us and hope she will be glad with me and Larry relationship. I love you mom ...

Freedom?

2007-03-08T17:18:00.000-08:00

Is there a price for everything? Say if you want to succeed in life, you must work hard. If you want food you must plant seeds and plants, go hunt, fish or gather food. The world used to be more direct and whenever we want something there is always some form of direct exchange. Somthing we must give in order to gain. But today it's getting more complicated. If you want food. You must earn money. Than you need to find the seller that sells you food that you want and can consume. At the end, the connection gets more complicated and we only think we want money. Because seems like money can buy everything. So our brains think it only want money. And we begin to lose sight that we want food or the basic things in the first place.

What about freedom. We want love too. Can these 2 co-exist? Most people says yes before they are in a relationship. But ask a married person than they might say yes because their priority have been shifted because they are comfortable in the relationship. The ones who says that they lost their freedom are the ones that think they gave more than they gain in terms of love. They are married and have a responsibility to their wives or husbands and children but they still want to do what they want to do. Example, they like going out for movies and leave their children and husbands to cook or do things themselves while they can have fun. In today's world. It's normal. But if conventional thinking will frown and think that the mentioned spouse is irresponsible.

Lynn, you want freedom and love. You want to fly around the world and do the things you want. I want that for you too. But when I sense our relationship is in threat, mainly when there are other "flies" around you and you like their attention like any other person, I felt threathened and insecure. I feel like I need to control you. But I am a person that withdraws from you when I feel that. I do not attack you like a jealous person whenever I sense there is a threat. But I just go back to my own world, "Fortress of Solitude", my safe hiding place and nurse my wounds.

You on the other hand, will ask me questions and than says you don't like that and want me to change or not talk to the person anymore. But you know by saying that out will make you sound really possesive but you cannot control that. So you will try to tone down. But remember when I exchange e-mails with my ex. When I look at other girls. The way you react is more explosive than I am. You too want to control me. You too want to stop me from flirting with other girls. I know there is a difference of me going after them and you being approached by them but the threat is the same. And seemingly you do enjoy their attention so do I enjoy that they like me be around them. So all in all we do love ourselves and we want to protect our property that is each other. We are selfish when it comes to love cause we want our mate to be loyal to us. I think its instinct.

So do remember, IF you want me to loyal and not go out with other girls or spend more time with other friends besides than you. (proven when you get angry/jealous with me always hanging out with my close friends and not pay attention to you. You are happy when I am busy and can only spend my time workind and not having fun and exchanging emails with my ex or looking at other girls) than you should expect the same treatment back. If you cannot accept that, than you should not impose that..

Imagine if I can say "I want my freedom too so I can know other girls. So I can know you are the real deal. Cause I think I have not experience life enough so I go to the club and get close to other girls and fetch other girls. If I come back to you than you are the one I really want..."
I will never say that to you because to me I know you are the one I want and I show it by following what you said about not being flirty. But when I sense you really enjoy having other guys flirt with you, I think I should enjoy my youth too by getting to know more girls cause its fun to me too. Again.. I don't do that to you cause I feel bad. But bear in mind when you tell me you get so much attention, the green envy in me do rise. I understand how you feel but do you understand me too?

Lynn, I want you.. but I will give you your freedom. You are right, I should not be moody with when you are telling me that other guys go after you and it seems fun to you. I should not feel insecure because I should trust you. I should not be so sensitive because you are young and just like the attention. I will change myself and give you your precious freedom. You are moulding me to be the man you want. But I am suppressing what is only natural to most ppl. Somehow I always say that I want you to be happy. Always easier said than done.

Oh well, let say it's my fate again.

Please love me as the way I am

2007-03-08T06:50:00.000-08:00

Last night I had argument with my dad. I will go to Malaysia next month so I asked his permit for this trip. I don't want to lie him anymore. So I told him the truth that I want to go there for my holiday but he scolded me back. I don't know why he always likes me to lie why he can not accept the truth. After my mom passed away I try so hard for making him proud of me. I want to make my dad happy. I want to show everyone that my dad take care me very well. I got the second honest from university. (I tried so hard for getting it) I got the good job and high pay. And I passed the flight attendant interview and will be the flight attendant soon. But seem like he still not happy. Why?.......Just only small thing I want but he can not give it to me. I want to be selfish but I can not. I feel sad when I can not do something for him and I also upset when I can not follow the thing I want to do. .......

At the mean time, I send the message to Larry and he did not reply. I called him but It had not any signal. I very worry about him. I afraid of his accident or bad thing happened. I can contact him in this evening and seem like the phone line is have problem so he didn't got my message. I told him about the thing I did today. I told him I went for Road Show and had many people talk with me. I have a great time today. I also told him about the clients who gave me the e-mail and also asked my contact. I told him everything but seem like he can not accept. I think, I make him upset again. Although he told me that he tried so his voice is like that, but I know he doesn't like the thing I just said. Why not only my dad but he also...... Why? I am the girl who like freedom. I'm the girl who like social. I like to meet new people. I like to travel around. I like someone to pay attention to me (Because when I was young no one care me) but why my dad and Larry can not accept that.

My dad can not accept the truth. Larry always scares and feel insecure in our relationship. And I also want them happy. Sometime I can do the thing they want me to do though I don't like and It's not me. But if I keep doing this, I will don't know who I am. Larry told me it's hard for him to change and how about me? I just want someone love me as the way I am. I want my dad understand me more. I feel very lonely............ Now I want to go to somewhere where is none know me. And that place I can do many things which I want to do. I will know new people and they just one friend in this world. I don't have to care and love them. ....... I want to leave many things now...........Can I do?

Our Future

2007-03-07T08:07:00.000-08:00

I went to Penang last week (2-5 March, 2007) . I always go there for visiting my dear, Larry. Every time I go there I'm always happy and excited. But this time is different. I go there with the bad feeling and seem like I really don't want to see him anymore. After I had decided to be flight attendant, our relationship was not the same. Although he try to be sweet but I can feel he is not like that. He was colder and colder.

On the way I went to Penang in this time, I think about what should I do if he want to break up with me. I really afraid of loosing him. But It didn't be like that. After I had arrived the airport, he tried to talk with me as the same. But deep of my feeling know we are not the same. Finally, we talked and shared our feeling too each other. And we were better. I think, I understand him more and I think he also understand me more.

I went to meet his parent at Klang (His Home Town) His family is so nice and kind. I'm very happy for having a chance to meet them. And I hope their family will like me too. Larry will buy the car soon. I have still remembered when he told me he want to buy the car, I always not agree with him (But I can not remember why I don't want he buy a car) But when I sat on the car which he will buy. I feel very happy and really want to sit like that as long as I can. It was nice when I saw him drove the car with the happy mood. He look like a child when got the new toy. I very proud when I saw he got something he want. And I love to see his step. I know, he try so hard to get the car.

We had a romantic time at his apartment's balcony. He is not the romantic man but I'm the romantic girl. So I have to make him drunk so he was not shy to say something sweet to me. We sat at the balcony during the moon light. Actually, it has not anything much. No rose, no expensive stuff. It just only me and him but it can make the precious memory for me.

Now, I'm home. I miss him a lot. I know, after this we will have many obstacles come for testing us but I believe in our faith as he always does. I believe, we can pass it together.......Our future is still far but I believe this journey is worthwhile..

Will Peace be Restored?

2007-03-06T03:04:00.000-08:00

Well Lynn just came to visit me again last weekends. It was a time to regain faith I guess. After all, our relationship was in a state of limbo for 2 weeks since she told me that she wanted to be a flight attendant. It was a time to heal and rebuild bridges. Hehe.. but more than anything, it was what we really needed most; to see each other and know that the same flame in our hearts still burn. I hope this event would give me the reason to believe her and hold on while she "flies" away.

Anyway, she met my parents too. I have no idea what they think of her and it's hard to get it out of them. Most of the time they will say as long as I like her than it's my life. Well such ambivalence.. But I guess it's wise of them to NOT judge someone so quick. After all they barely talked much but at least I see my parents taking an effort to talk to her. And I think my parents are curious about her as they do ask me questions about her. Sigh, I really do not know how to conclude this meeting too. But I do know it's a first step. My cousin likes her I think and also that I think Lynn has her charm with ppl. :) My friend did say that she looks the best compared to all the girls I have dated before.. I think she would be happy to hear that.

I guess a lot of things are really uncertain in life. So all I can do is choose and make decision each step as we go and it's also up to her to make hers. Whatever it is.. I guess god prepared for me a love life that is full of surprises. :)

Happy Chinese New Year

2007-02-19T01:55:00.000-08:00

Xin Nian Kuai Le

Happy Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year is one of my favorite celebration. Although I like it but It doesn't mean I know well about this celebration. I know just only this celebration is Chinese New Year and this year is year of pig (I was born in this year so this year I will 24 years old). And this day I also get "Hong Pao" from my family. Hong Pao is money in red envelopment. Moreover, this celebration is a day for praying respect to god and my ancestors. Don't ask me how to do that because I don't know.....haha. According to I'm Chinese girl and I don't want my boyfriend says like I don't know any else except "Hong Pao" so I found some information and pasted it here. The next time I can tell him some about this...haha

Chinese New Year is the longest and most important celebration in the Chinese Calendar.
Chinese months are reckoned by the lunar calendar, with each month beginning on the darkest day. New Year festivities traditionally start on the first day of the month and continue until the fifteenth, when the moon is brightest. In China, people may take weeks of holiday from work to prepare for and celebrate the New Year.

At Chinese New Year celebrations people wear red clothes, decorate with poems on red paper, and give children "lucky money" in red envelopes. Red symbolizes fire, which according to legend can drive away bad luck. The fireworks that shower the festivities are rooted in a similar ancient custom. Long ago, people in China lit bamboo stalks, believing that the crackling flames would frighten evil spirits.

Just a summary story for Chinese New year which most of Chinese people in this world do and know. For my Chinese New year in this year start from saw my mom prepared many stuffs on Feb 16. I heard that today is like the day for shopping and buying many stuffs. And then I saw my mom prepared a lot of food for next day. On Feb 17 we had many kinds of respect god and ancestors in my house. We started in the morning we respected my ancestors and then we had lunch together (I ate a lot hehe). In the afternoon we respected the souls and then we had dinner together (I ate a lot again hehe.) And the time for my "Hong Pao" was coming. Although I have already worked but I still expected to get that. haha After that we respected to god at 11 pm. Many processes. On Feb 18, I woke up a bit late then wore the new dress and went to my cousin house for picking up "Hong Pao" (I'm not stingy girl, though I look like that) Then I went to have Tim Sum Buffet with my family (I ate a lot again). This is my Chinese new year. It was simple and normal. Nothing much accept Hong Pao and Eat hehe (May be because this year is pig of year so I ate a lot for celebration.)

Ps. Larry, Happy Chinese New year, baby. Wish you are happy and lucky in this year and don't forget my Hong Pao na....

Please be stronger

2007-02-15T07:28:00.000-08:00

Dear....

I know you are very sad now. I know you are afraid of our future. I also afraid too. I know you afraid I will leave you. I know who are the best one for me. I love you so much. I will not go to other guy for sure. I know you never trust me. You always think I'm naugthy and like to play around. I don't have anything for garuntee as you can not garuntee yourself to me too. But we can not do anything except believe in our faith.

I can not live without you as you can not live without me. You are important for me as I important for you. You told me that your feeling now is like the girl who wait her husband go to work in other country. I also have the same feeling like I'm that husband who has to go to work with many concern and worry. I worry about you. I worry to leave you there. I want you too dear.

Dear, please be stronger. I can not pass this thing alone. I want your encourage and I want your support. I know you have to take sometime for clearing your mind. Dear....you have to move on not just only our relation but also your life too. You still have your job and have many things you have to learn. Don't forget your own dream. Both of us we have our own dream. Although we will have different dream and different path but we have the same goal.

"Love is what you will gain when the time comes"

My Valentine

2007-02-14T06:24:00.000-08:00

Today is Feb 14, 2007 when is Valentine's day. In this morning I saw many girls hold roses on their hand and beside them also had their boyfriend. I looked at them with my sadness. I miss him a lot. I don't know what I have to choose. One hand is my dream and my dad and other hand is Larry. I know, he concern about my health. He concern how I will survive if I be the Flight Attendant. Who will take care me when I'm sick. Who we beside me when I have someone. We will be farer if I choose this carrer.

I nearly to give up for changing his mind to support me. I felt very lost when I told him I will not be Flight attendant anymore. I realized that I really want to try this carrer although I know how hard it is. I told myself that today is Valentine, my valentine will give the best thing for me. If he doesn't want me to be, I also will not be because I believe him.

In this evening he called me and said with a happy voice thatjust take the chance to be Flight attendant. I was wondered to hear his voice like that. I asked him that "Are you really happy or you assume to be" then he said "I'm happy" Just only that word can changed my bad feeling to become happier. I'm still hesistate when he let me follow my dream. Although both of us well know about what will happen in the nearly future but we selected to this way togeher. So no matter what I will have him and he will have me.

I will not scare to sick alone. I will not scare to stay alone in other country when I'm a fight attendant. I will not go out and have fun when I feel tired. I will control myself. I will not flirty...:P I will take care myself for him. I will make him pround of me. I will show him that he make the right decision for us. Thank you dear ...... Thank you for being my boyfriend. Thank you for giving me a chance to learn and grow up. Love you, my valentine.........

It is Valentine's

2007-02-14T03:58:00.000-08:00

She must be so sad now. Lost and not knowing what to do. Feel lonely. She go out there and try to seek familiar comfort. From the man she once loved more than anything. She wants advice and just someone to cry to. Right now I can't be the one she goes to.

She must think that her life is so terrible because she cannot have what she wants. Everybody else is always telling her what to do. She asks "what about me?" "What about what I want?" I can only roll tears for her because I made her like this. So near, yet so she cannot get it. She would cry tonight.. Cry so much until she finds it hard to breathe again. I wish I can tell her everything is alright. I will take care of it.

When she goes back she feels shattered again. Lost hope and her dreams shattered. She lose her direction cause she don't know what else she can do. She feels like what she do or want she cannot get. So why want to try again..

All I can say is; I know dear.. I know.. Happy Valentine's

Happy Things

2007-02-14T03:16:00.000-08:00

Yeah life is great.. I have meet up with Lynn's father. Seems like a good start. But I am not a man who celebrates my victory fast. For me it is just a small step for me to take for at least I can have a future with her. Forward a few days.

Lynn tells me that she is going to get her Flight Attendant application result. I don't want to think much of it. She always tell me that she would most likely fail her medical check up. But everytime she says that I know that she knows herself that she would most likely get through and would most likely get the job but she is just saying that to console me and to postpone uncertainty. The day came yesterday.. She got it.. Yeah.. Hurrah.. Her dream is finally here.

But guess what, the monster in me cannot let her go. I started to become selfish, scared and finally occured to me that I can really lose her. I had always told her to pursue her dreams. Thought I can be the so called "good man" and always support her. Boy, I really failed this time.

Today, it's Valentine's. I gave her the crappiest gift ever. I took instead of gave. I made her sad instead of keeping my sweet promises to make her happy. I rob her of her dream. I forbid her to be a flight attendant when she was so close.

I was scared that being further away, being exposed to temptations, and meeting so called "materialistic people" in that field, she would become them and I will lose the Lynn I know. She would also get to know other men that would promise her the world just like I promised her. Being lonely and vulnerable, anyone can fall in love with somebody else no matter how much she loved someone. I had been there, away from home. The vulnerable feeling can really turn who we see as bad guy to a good guy. Assholes to saviours. I know how it is. Being needy to someone else. I cannot hide the fact that I am so insecure now. I have always thought that I can handle myself. That I can keep my mind sane and be objective. But to this point, I am willing to trade my soul just so that she can be with me for the rest of my life. What have I become? Why can't I let her go.. It is the right thing to do. It's Lynn's dream. And I crushed it.

I also worried about her health. Gastric, insomnia and asthma; Lynn has them all. When she flies across different time zones. Eating and sleeping time will keep changing. It's very tiring to her body. When she needs help who is going to take care of her? Who is going to carry her? I want to be that man more than anything. I know her problems. I really want to be there for her. But over there, someone else will do that.. Don't you understand what I am saying.. I am willing to take care of you knowing how much it hurts to see you like that. I want to be your hero and not let that be another man.

I know someday down the road, she might blame me. I still can't forgive myself.
Everyday, she waits for me to fix things. But I can't fix it. I feel like I am failing her. I make matters worse.

Can't you see, I am another fool so in love and is so afraid to lose you? But why I can't I do the right thing to let you go for your dreams?

Isolated Christmas

2006-12-25T02:10:00.000-08:00

Today is December 25, 2006 when is Chris mas day. Christmas is my favorite festival. I think, this festival is very nice. The weather is cold. Many places are decorated beautifully. Most of people go out for party with their friends, have a great dinner with their family and spend a special time with their lover.

Commonly, I always have fabulous time in this festival such as Christmas day on 2004, I celebrated this festival with my ex-boyfriend at Bi yoke Tower, the highest tower in Thailand. We had sweet time together or Last year I had fun party with a lot of friends in We za Club. But this year....I don't have any plan. My friends are busy and some have date with their couple. I also want to celebrate Christmas with my lover too. I also want to get a special gift from my dear. But he is not here. I just try to forget that today is Christmas. I just assume that today is the same as everyday. Today is not important. Actually, It's very hard because everywhere are decorated with big Christmas Tree, Christmas Song and many things which make me realize that today is Christmas day.

I woke up in this morning and can just only sent a short message to my boyfriend. So sad.....-_-. If my boyfriend read this posting, he will think that I think over again. Because he is not a romantic person so may be he think this day is just only a festival. It's not special. It just as usual day. Anyway today will pass and I can just hope next year I will have the chance to celebrate this festival with my dearest...... Merry Christmas

The Rules of Work

2006-12-18T23:54:00.000-08:00

Anticipate Threats

Threats come at us from every quarter, every day-redundancy, downsizing, take overs, vindictive colleagues, irascible bosses, new technology, new systems, new procedures. In fact entire books are devoted to threats-mostly from change such as Who Moved My Cheese and How to Handle Tough Situation At Work. If we can think on our feet, stay out of ruts, be flexible and move fast, roll with the punches and go the distance, we will not only survive change but we shall also be contortionists and athletes of the highest order. Of course, we can't do all that. There will be times when the threat will overtake us and we get squashed. It happens to us all. There is no getting away from the fact that life gets fired at us at point blank range and we rarely if ever get time to duck.

But a threat is always that. Once becomes a reality we can deal with it. While it is still a threat it induces fear but can do no harm. Spotting which threat will turn into a reality is the skill. The talent. There are many threats and we can't react to all of them. There are fewer realities and we have to react to them.

It helps if we don't see threats as threats, but instead as opportunities. Each threat that becomes a reality is an opportunity to grow and change, adapt and rework our methods and style of management. If our attitude is positive we tend to see threats less as a negative thing and more as a positive thing they bring us the chance to prove ourselves. If we never get challenged we will never improve.

"EACH THREAT THAT BECOMES A REALITY

IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GROW AND CHANGE."

(The Rules of work by Richard Templar)

Living Life on a String..

2006-12-18T04:59:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like you have lost your way and don't know where to go? Ever walk on a road more than half way through and only to realise that there is a nothing but a cliff awaits you at the end? If you know what awaits you at the end is a terrible thing, would you still walk ahead?

Actually, there are no certainty in life. What seems like a cliff could be the edge with a panaromic view above a beautiful valley. Things like that cannot be set for sure. I have also live life very recklessly. Cause I just want to see what is at the end there, that is all..

Now, take a look at what I have just said as your ambition. You know that many ppl tell you that there is nothing but sorrow awaits you at the end there. But like a moth attracted to fire, you want to fly straight towards it just to know what is in the fire.. You will get burn but yet you still want to go for it because somehow you got the idea that this is what you want all your life. You seem so sure of that. Or are you?

Sometimes even I cannot walk with you because this is what you wanted more than anything else. I can only stand and watch. If I encourage you, and you do obtain your goals but with the price of your health.. again I can only see you hurt, feel bad and worried.

But if I discourage you, your life seems void of flavours and you feel lost. Someone did say that love is also about learning to let go. My parents had to let me go and explore the world as I grew up. So they let me go and I am here working in a home away from home. And as a lover of yours, should I let you go for the sake of your ambition?

I do think that we are not defined according to our occupation. And I also know overtime, a desire could change and what seems like the most important thing in the world for us once could be replaced by something else or maybe even someone else.

Lynn, realise that you can be all that you want to be with me. You can go forward for the sake of your ambition. And all things will change even if we don't like it. But if we have the power to choose, we must ask ourselves, is it all worth it? If you know the answer for sure because despite what the outcome, it is that you walked this road that matters to you. Walk on..

How to lose the guy in 10 days

2006-12-14T00:36:00.000-08:00

Episode 3

The last supper

He stayed in Bangkok nearly 10 days. I asked him hanged out with me and my friends for dinner. We went to Sizzler , SIAM Center. Of course, I asked Kit, Pui, Christina and Champ. He was very pity at that time because nobody like him. We thought he was strange, annoying, stupid. Thus none wanted to talk with him anymore.That dinner all of us spoke in Thai and no one care he would understand or not. I noticed he tried to start the conversation but none want to talk with him. I and Kit are the good friend. We always have same personality and have familiar situations so we understand each other quite well. Frankly, I had good feeling with Kit that time. He is my type. He is nice, warm, mature, friendly and clever. I had thought if we were couple, it would be great!!!!. (Sorry, dear :P)

He was obviously bored during dinner. We had a great time. We talked in Thai and forgot he was there. Finally, he tried to do something for calling our attention. He walked out and said he would go to toilet and then we saw him walked around in front of the restaurant like crazy chap!.

And then he came back at the table but none care him. So he did many annoying things such as sighed, slept etc. May be he thought that performance could call our interest. He did a big mistake because I felt very bad with those things and I felt he didn't have manners at all!!.

Finally, he said something but I can not remember what he said. Whatever it made us stop talked and checked bill.

After dinner, I planed to watch King Kong movie with Kit. He was sad but I didn't care. That night my friends told me that he said something about me after I had left. He met me at SIAM center at first time and the last time he met me was the same place, he said. Um .....After I heard, I thought, it was great. Finally he gave up!!!!!!...........

Love and Expectation

2006-12-10T02:07:00.000-08:00

Love is not sad or somethig is bad.
Love has only a good thing for each other.
The bad things between couple are not happended by love.
but they are happended by expectations.
Many people think love can do everything.

Is it true?

Expectation can happen with every couples.
What will happen if they have different expectations?
If you do something for your lover but that thing was not the one your lover expected,
That thing will be useless.
And you will feel upset because you tried a lot but you didn't get anything back.
You should not think, you are only giver and your couple are only receiver.
Because sometime your lover had gave something to you but that thing was not the
thing you want, so you forgot that and it was usless for you too.
When 2 persons have different opinions and have too high expectation, then lover will be suffered.

Love doesn't want expectation. You should do when you want to do.

And you should do without want any feedback.
And you should receive when your lover want to give that to you by himself/herself.

Love ... Dream and Truth

2006-12-09T22:59:00.000-08:00

"Love".....many people think it is a good feeling which we give to someone. "YES" It's a correct idea but it's not just only give love to someone. You still can love many people by your heart (although you have only one heart but you still can have many people in your heart....ummmm Is it naughty?) It will be naughty or not? It's up to what kind of love you give.

"Love".....you can have for everybody but how many people are important for you. Your friends ...how you give love to them? Did you care them enough? Did you make them feel your are their best friend? Did they feel at least they still have you to be their friend?

"Love"....for lover is different from friend. Love for lover is more precious. You always need your lover is happy and pleasure when he/she is with you. Moreover, when you are close to him/her, you always are happy too.

"Love".....is not just only give but you also have to learn how to recieve. By the way, you can not be the one who recieve but you also have to learn how to give.

Many people don't know how to give love to their lover. They want to see their lover are happy until they forgot to see their happiness. Hence, if you feel you give something to someone too much until you are not happy, you should stop do that. Becasue it not just only hurt yourself but also hurt your lover. Because you will not happy to do something for your lover but you will do because consideration.

"Dream"....I think, many people who have love will have many dreams with their lover. They always paint their dream together. Such as we will love each other forever and ever. We will not fight. We will plan to do many things together. We and we....... Many dreams and many expectations. But how we will handle situation when those dreams are not come true.

"Truth"....Many people hate this word. Many people can not accept truth because they afraid. Many lovers can not accept their disappointment when their dream didn't come true. They will accuse each other for failure. Then they will break up. Hence, If you dare to set high dream which your lover, you should dare to accept the failure and truth. You can choose between dream is just a dream or you can make that dream come true.

"Truth"...is not a feeling. "Truth"...is not an idea. The truth is important not because it is simply true. It is important because truth is what defines who and what we believe in.

"Love ==> Dream ==> Truth" Love makes dream and dream makes truth so me and you will make our dream come true with our love.

Does anyone understand anybody?

2006-12-01T20:48:00.000-08:00

Life always have its ups and downs. I think recently there is more down. I know many ppl want some instant gratification. They want some plan, some direction which requires planning. That is part of my job, part of my love life.. I know that there are ppl who depend on me like my bosses, my senior, my colleagues, my technicians and my love too. There is also my parents.. Sometimes I feel like being away from them is already letting them down..

The list will be longer and longer as I get older. I am always afraid to let them down. But I still do. I tried hard but I guess not hard enough. I guess this is where heroes falter. In the movies, there is a one moment where the scene climaxed and the balance of good and evil could swing in either direction and the ending of the movie is decided in the turn of these events... This is where the hero overcomes all odds and triumph at the end and decide to say something fancy in summary leaving all the audience feeling a little warmth in them. Some how in the back of everybody's head, they wanted to say that or wanna be told those very words; all is safe, all that ends is good and you can rest assure that the bad guy is gone.. (but these days there are so many sequels so there is hardly endings like that)..

My point of telling all that is.. life is not like the movies. Yes, we might occasionally triumph in our own obstacles. We might be able to rise to the occasions and exit to be a better person. But we don't always do. We aren't always the hero in our own lives. We might just be the villain because the ppl around you thinks that we are lazy, we are not determined enough. We are just not good enough. Is it this very fear that is driving me all along? Are these fears that make me conform?

I am an engineer. Part of my job is to standardize ppl and machines and processes. And I am being made so too (standardized). I like some part of it. But when I was a student I did had some rebel streak. I was usually late, didn't do homework properly, insulting teachers by answering their examination papers with poetry, drawing tankers and stick man soldiers in my grade 11 biology examination paper (but guess what? I got 2 points for that drawing.. haha).. I did that in uni too and nearly got expelled.. I have learned since then.. Or have I? I think that the last doodle I made got me kicked of my rented room just 2 months ago. Looks like I have not learned.

Finally, to summarize this.. I am a rebel. I am not meant to be anybody's hero. I realised that. I wanted to be a hero. But its just too hard. Now can I be the useless good for nothing bum? I don't want to be anybody's hope. I will just let them down.. I guess I can't. I have to go on this path because I made too many promises. But can anybody out there realise that I too want to be taken care of ? Where is my Fortress of Solitude?

How to lose the guy in 10 days

2006-11-29T01:42:00.000-08:00

Episode 2

He is naughty

At the first time I met him. I noticed that he is a flirtatious man. And I think, I'm not wrong. Especially after Da who is my best friend told me she brought Larry to the club with her and her friends. He tried many times for touching her friend waist. Actually, I had known that story before. So I was not surprise when I heard that. And the first person who told me was Larry.

Frankly, I relized from this situation that although his character look like a naughty man but he is not. Becasue his voice when he told me about he touched Da's friend waist was very guity and he very worried about I would be angry.

Back to the point "How to lose the guy in 10 days". Seem like my first plan didn't suceed. I thought, if I tried to deny him, he would understand I didn't like him. But may be because of his foolish and his persistence made him still have a lot of motivations for flirt with me. So I came out the second plan. I asked Kit, my man friend assumed to like me and he would accompanied with me when I had to meet Larry.

We went to the club for new year party. Of course, I asked Larry to join because I just wanted someone who went to the Jam Bar (the culb) for booking the table. Many friends joined with us that night and Kit too. At that time, he gave me a promise that he would stop for smoking and he didn't smoke at all. But he came back to smoke that night may be because I was more care him when he smoked. I would complain him when he smoked and grabed the cigarette from his hand. But I noticed he liked me to do like that. The party was very nice.

You know? Although I always said I hate him but I was interested in him too. I always notice what he did in club. He liked to take my pictures. But actually, It was seem like he liked to take gilrs pictures because he took a lot of girl pictures in club that night.

So the counclusion is he is a play boy :p

Got My Baby Worried..

2006-11-22T03:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we feel down and don't feel like we want to pick ourselves up. Just wanna lay there and for a while enjoy being miserable. But the problem of being miserable is you hurt someone you care about or offend ppl that you should never offend such as your boss or friends.. So being a believer of super heroes and TV characters, I have to pick myself up and tell myself; "Real heroes like Superman or spiderman can still save the world even if they had a real bad day." "I need to be strong and not be phased by all the bullshit I am getting..", I told myself. So there I go on a new day and waking up knowing that I cannot solve my problem by just complaining. Need to understand, measure and act and resolve my existing problem. What is a probelm is not really a problem. Need to tell myself that.

Anyway to the point, I know that I make her worried because I sounded like I had something troubling me and I dunno how to tell her. I feel like it's not a big problem but I just want to have someone to understand that I am being pushed to perform in every aspect. My work, my financial standings and I was told that, I should not go out to often with my best mate for nice dinners, movies and entertainment. I wanted to have fun like everybody else. But look where I am stuck, in the office everyday till 8 to 9 something pm. Sometimes, its voluntary.. Sometimes it's not. The times that was voluntary is fine. But everyday like this whether I liked or not was a problem for me at least. I know that she thinks that it's a good thing that my life is full of this "benificial activities" yah I can contribute. But I also want some relax time. Wish that not everyday I have to rush so many reports..

Well, so much for bitching around here. Cannot help it.. I have not many places to bitch about. Have to act cool and act like a hero in front of friends and colleagues because I need to be dependable and be hero. See, the problem of watching too much tv in my formative years.. I get detached from the real world and live in my own..

I am Kal-el son of Jor-el.. I come from Krypton.. And you who have read this owe me US 1,000.. Pay me back..

How to lose the guy in 10 days

2006-11-21T01:56:00.000-08:00

Episode 1
He returned to Bangkok

After he had been in Pang Nga for a while, he came back to Bangkok for Christmas and New year. I know, I was very mean to him. Although I very annoyed him but I had never told him. My English was not good (Now still bad....haha) so I thought, at least I can practice my English with him. It was not his fault, if he would think I also interested in him.

He decided to come back Bangkok for Christmas and New year. I know, he came back for me but I neglected him in Bangkok nearly 10 days. He lived with a Japanese trainee. When he called me, many times I didn't pick up and I had never called back or send message to him.

I always discussed with my friend about him. So I thought, if I do very bad things to him in that 10 days, he will give up.

Because of my zodiac is LEO. Hence, I'm very confident. I love things which are luxurious. Most of the time when I will meet someone, I always dress up and I have never looked shabby. Especially when I have date with guy, I always want to be perfect in front of him. But in the same time if that person is my close friend or my family or someone I don't care, I will very lazy to dress up and look very shabby. Thus, when Larry arrived in that early morning, I asked him come to my home by himself (He had never been to my home before and actually, my home is very far from bus station. But I don't care) When he arrived, I went out to pick him up around my home. I know, my face and my hair that time looked very sloppy. He had never seen me like that before. I don't know how was his feeling at that time.......

We had the AIESEC meeting that day. I brought him to join even if I knew, he would be bored because he was not AIESECER. After the meeting we went to department store allowed there. We walked around department store and sat at one milk shop. That time should be the first time when we talked like face to face. At that time, I felt, he was very arrogant. He always said I am older than you so I know better. Frankly, these sentence made me very hate him! How come this man is too confident? Did he think he is the best one this world?

We went to We' Za club that night when was Christmas Night. Many people joined with us. I asked "Kit" who is my man friend to join for protecting me from Larry. He tried to show off a lot such as dancing, smoking ,drinking and always took me to the toilet. But frankly, I didn't appreciate that. Those things made me feel like he really was confident and very proud of himself. I didn't pay attention to him at all.

"Hey! Look at Larry..He took off his button's shirt." One of my friend told me but I didn't even want to see what he did. And then I noticed he walked away and he didn't come back to desk at all. He vanished away. Until the club closed he had still disappeared. He was not in toilet. We went to wait him in front of the club. Finally, he walked from somewhere and came to me. He put his hand on my shoulder and he looked at my eyes. He said something to me. Although I can not remember but It was sweet.

He told me he was stole his mobile phone. I sent him to taxi. I was sad and guity becasue I didn't take care him well. My friends started to think he was wiered and tried to call attention from me. We acussed him a lot. And our conclusion was he didn't lose his mobile phone. And I also believed.

Making Efforts..

2006-11-11T01:37:00.000-08:00

At that time when I was Phang Nga back nearly 1 year ago. I was quite full of myself. Getting to travel alone for the first time to the famous, "land of Thai babes" haha.. Yah whatever I know of Thailand was what I had seen in movies and televisions and of course the occasional stories about "the wild time" my uncle had when he went to Thailand when he was much younger. So the painted impression of Thailand I had in mind was, cheap booze and beautiful women..(thanks to tv and movies). Nvm the fact that I cannot speak Thai at all. Body language enough already..

So there I was, one man, one intention.. trying to get the most of what I had while I was in Thailand. So I was thinking I can handle myself. I was reckless and rather awkward in socialising thus I had a " I hate Larry" fan club that popped up just after a few days I was in Thailand organised by the local Bangkok inhabitants. Great charisma huh.. Mainly because I was giving my point of view to the ppl who aren't that close to me. They perceived what I said and what I did as "show off or trying to act smart or whatever reasons there is to hate me." Poor old me, I made so many enemies and I didn't know at that time.

Example I told one trainee, Christina who had been there earlier than me, "that a guy would really appreciate it if you offer to follow him to take his car and not let him go alone instead of hanging out with us while he goes to retrive his Lamborgini (Lamborgini man.. stupid girl).. I know cause I am a guy".. And from there that trainee starts saying, "who does he thinks he is? He acts as though as he knows guys better me, a girl who have date more guys than he eats rice.." Ok.. the part about she dated that many guys was exagerated.. But nevertheless, she thinks that she knows better and thus begin another gossip on top of the way I dance and drink.. Yah and Lynn was close to that click too. So after hearing that she says like, "you know, you should not act like you know everything... Some ppl won't appreciate what you said." and all that. Today, I don't think it was a problem of what I said but rather a problem of, "once condemned, you should forever deemed condemned in the eyes of girls".. Maybe I am wrong but ppl are ppl. I cannot stop what they think of me. Everybody has their own way of seeing things. That was why I said in the beggining, " I am a deeply misunderstood man.."

Besides my dancing, my unwarranted opnions and my showing off how much I can drink (Free booze, why don't take?) there were more times how I was convicted of many other heinous crimes of unparalled appall.. I called Lynn like twice a day unrelentlessly. Mainly because it was cheap to call and that I want to get to know her better. Simply something innocent butmany ppl perceived that I wanted to F*#k her. If I was, I think I had enough money to screw any pros there and I think of who is better quality then Lynn.. See what I said about sharing opinions.. But honestly I wasn't looking for those things then. Not from her. I think at that time I was being one my most holy moment. And my upbringing really taught me to respect girls.(Thanks mom and aunties) I still do. Because my mom and aunts were probably a group with those "Girl Power Group" of yesteryears.

Anyway, Lynn hated me then and my life sucks at that time. No point dwelling on that anymore but to move forward and enjoy my time now of having finally change her opinion of me. I guess that was what matters. She sees pass through the socially awkward Malaysian who cannot get along well with many others. I might not have done much in my life. But I know being a teacher in Phang Nga and befriending my Thai studends were one of my biggest reward I had in my life. I know my impact there in 3 months wasn't great. But I cherish that I had done some small part.

Ok will continue next time. I think I sound really whiny and disorientated. Must be being too long in my office on a Saturday afternoon..

Fortuneteller

2006-11-10T00:07:00.000-08:00

Who is my soul mate?

I was last year student at the time. Therefore, I had to be trainee in a company which relate to my study. I selected Spark Communication Company for my internship. This company is public relation company.

Most of employee here were women. They were interested in fortuneteller. So they asked a fortuneteller came to the office. I had never tried that before. Although I also was interested but I was not sure about this fortuneteller. But after my friends had tried, they said he predicted very well. For this reason, rest of people asked me to join because they would make appointment with fortuneteller again. Even if the price was 400 bath but I accepted to pay. (Always use money in the crap stuff.

I saw my fortune at the middle of December, 2005. I thought, this fortuneteller predicted my past very correct. He said, my mom was pass away and she always around for protection me. He said my mom will be happy soon because I will graduate soon. Actually, he said many things but I can remember well just only 2 topics which very influenced my ideas.

First, my love. As I told you before, I just broke up with my ex-boyfriend and we still kept in touch. The fortuneteller said I have 2 soul mates and I have already met them. First man I very love him. He is younger than me. (Oh! That's true. He is younger than me 3 year) I had thought to marry with him ( Um yeah I had). But He always brought the problems to me ( Yeah! ). I and him just broke up because he had other girl. But he will come back to me again on March 2006 ( and on March he really came back.) If I choose him, I will not happy and I will have the problems with my family. For other man, He is foreigner. He just came in to my life. If I choose him, he can make I am happy.

Oh! Foreigner? At the time, had only one foreigner who interested in me "LARRY". NO!!!!!! can not be him. I have never and ever like him.

At the time, I liked one of my friend he was studied in international school and he went to England for Master. I knew him for awhile and he is a very cute guy. Should be him so I asked fortuneteller "what is his work?" and the answer was " about logistic. ( Ah should be him, he works in that kind of company and he studied aboard so he is international as well) I know, I know. It was stupid idea but it was good for my feeling to tell myself like that.

Second prediction was about my job. You have a chance to study. You should study in Marketing. And you should be Flight Attendant. Flight Attendant is a job in my dream but I forgot about that until he remind my memory. I want to be flight attendant. I want to be the angle in the sky. !! ^-^

So after I saw fortuneteller, the prediction had a lot of affections to me. Especially, 2 issues above. I more attention with my friend and try to keep Larry away (Although in deep of my mind, I thought the one is fortuneteller mean is him but I didn't accept). The flight attendant have became the big of my dream since that. I really hope, one day I will wear a nice uniform, work in a big airplane , take care a passengers, make them happy and safety with our flight.

I don't know about all of the prediction will come true or not. I always believe that fortuneteller is a challenging and interesting science. I enjoy myself when I saw that and want to see it true or not. Although I didn't expect too much about the prediction but I had one prediction which have already came true. I got him "Larry". I can not risk my destiny. Although I tried a lot to avoid and deny you but I could not escape from you.

The Lost Girl..

2006-11-08T04:23:00.000-08:00

She is getting nervous and scared. She feels alone and that there is no one that she can count on. Her health is getting worse but she is afraid to see the doctor with her mom. I feel like there is little I can do. I can only stay quiet and repeat myself that she goes to see the doctor. She has her reasons. And that she told me so. But I think that the doctor will only tell what is aching her and that she should not think more than that.

Can you imagine? Seeing your loved ones suffers. And there is little you can do except hear her lament about her pain. I am sure many of you could and that I think some of you went through worse. But the point is, nobody likes to be in this situation. And nobody wants to lose their loved ones let alone see them suffer. I hope that she can come to her senses and be brave enough to face the truth.

Dear, please go to check up. I don't want to have you faint again. I don't want to have you faint especially I am not there to be beside you. I don't want this unknown early warnings of your body be ignored and leads to more complication later.. That is what I mean, "please take care" when every time before we end our conversation.

Like I had said, "There is only one Lynn for me. She is not replaceable. She is precious.."

Calling from Pang Nga

2006-11-08T01:09:00.000-08:00

Why he know my mobile phone number?

I really forgot about I gave my mobile phone number to him or he asked my number from somewhere. Whatever, he called me after he arrived to Pang Nga. At that first, I willing to talking with him. As I told you before, I was member committee in AIESEC. I worked in Service and Learning function. Therefore, one of my priority was facilitate trainee . So I thought, it was my obligation.But he kept calling me nearly everyday. Thus, I started to curious about his calling purpose. Christina, my Taiwanese friend was stay at my home. So she noticed about that too.

I just broke up with Pol, my ex-boyfriend for a while but I still loved him a lot. Sometime we still hanged out together. For this reason, It was very hard for me to forget him. Pol is the genius boy. He is younger than me 3 years. I was his girl friend around 5 months. Although it was very short time but I love him so much. Even if he lied me and had other girl but I tried to return our relationship. But all of things I did for him, he had never appreciated at all. He always looked down and complained me until I didn't saw my value and lose my confidence.

Larry, he know about my problem with Pol. He is a good listener. He pushed a lot efforts to knowing me. Even if my English was poor but he tried to communicated with me. He was unlucky for affection me at that time because my heart still had someone inside so it didn't open to him and made me annoyed him when he called. I started to complained him with my friend, although he didn't do anything wrong. But I had never told him about I didn't like his calling or his behavior. So it was not his fault if he thought I liked him.

Ahem.. Allow me..

2006-11-07T05:58:00.000-08:00

Reading her blogs, I will speak of her as a third person to create a more dramatic effect..

Let me say first that whatever you have read about me in this blog is solely a rather sad and misunderstood perception of a man that was foreign and unfamiliar to Thai culture or perhaps even what other ppl thought about me then. Perhaps that I liked to drink and dance and enjoy myself was misconstrued as show off or even trying to attract attention. But bear in mind like any other foreigners I act like one and I didn't give a F*#k of ppl thought of me at that time. I was there to really enjoy myself and that I have just took a long leave from my work and I was there doing what any free spirited, adventure loving person would do.. travelling to foreign land and drinking cheap liquors.. Woo Hoo..

Well I met this girl, you know who.. When I was dancing with her, she said I was a "naughty man" and NOT "don't be naughty".. (I am so going to get into trouble.) Frankly I thought that I had a chance with her because well, I thought she liked me. Look at how guys could misunderstand girls. Man, now that I know what was in her mind, I am dead wrong.

Anyway, well for the next 3 months I tried to get to know her better.. Ok ok.. I went after her. She treated me like shit most of the time and boy.. was I smashed or what. I mean she really rubbed it in. She was with another guy at that time, ignored me and did many other embarassing stuffs to me. I had to remind myself to lift myself up and that I was in a land filled with other beauties.. I mean it was Thailand, the land of smiles and go go bars, and female escorts.. I told myself I should have been having fun and not give a crap about this girl. I cannot explain what made me went against my logical mind but the truth is I did give up. I thought I would have at least focus on other girls. And so I did what I wanted to do again. I flirted with her best friends girlfriends.. I was dancing with that girl and my hands were on her waist, Woo hoo lucky me.. Hehe (See, I am so in deep trouble).. My defence was, I was treated like shit by her. Well, back to the story. Her other friends kept slapping my hands and say "no, no, no.." They forbid me from holding her waist. I thought, ok.. maybe I went too far. Then the next thing.. guess what? She was dancing the same way with another Thai guy.. "Shit" I thought, "this was unfair" I guessed that they had something against me then.

Anyway I am lazy to continue now. Maybe next time I will continue to write my perspective of what REALLY happened. To just sum it up, I was really a misunderstood stranger that had good intentions but was hated by her and her friends. Man.. I have got to work on my social skills.

What happend after the club?

2006-11-06T01:35:00.000-08:00

I went to his room next morning

December 3, 2005. I didn't go back home because it was too late when Route 66 club closed, so I went to stay with Pui. Pui's parent have dormitory near her home. For this reason, Pui always shares her rented room for AIESEC trainees. Maggie and Larry stayed in her dormitory. Christina stayed at Pui house. Usually, when I go to Pui place, I always stay with her. But I went to stay with Maggie in her rented room that night. ( I forgot the reason for staying with her, as too drunk)

Next morning I was woke up because my mom calling. She asked me to come back home as fast as I can. So I had to wake up after I rang off her line. Unfortunatly, I didn't have enough money for taxi. I tried to borrow Maggie's money but she also didn't have, therefore Maggie asked me to go to Larry room for borrowing. I thought that

"I don't want to go to his room. I don't want to borrow his money. I don't want to lose my face. But I don't have any choice."

Finally, I had to go to his room. I knocked the door. I waited not too long and that door was opened. I saw him sat on bed and he wore only short pants (Frankly, It looked like boxer.) Actually, I was very ashamed but I had to assume that I was ok. I borrowed money from him and he gave it to me suddenly. Although I told him I would return to him soon but until now I haven't returned to him yet.

Afterward, I hadn't met him for a while because he went to Phang Nga for being trainee. My feeling which I had to him at that time was just only a naughty trainee and he was not interesting for me at all....

Our destiny

2006-11-01T00:34:00.000-08:00

December 3, 2005

The first day for our journey

Although we know each other since December last year

but

every pictures in my mind are very clear.

Actually, I can not remember when is the first day for our meeting. I can remember just only situation which happened on that day. But Larry always remember this day ( so sweet).

Our destiny start from I was Member Committee of AIESEC ( International Organization)and Larry decided for being trainee of Tsunami project in Thailand. For that reason is the beginning for our relationship.

On December 3, 2005 I made appointment with my best friends, Pui ,Christina and Maggie at SIAM center. On that day we planned to go to Route 66 Club. Before meeting time I walked around SIAM Center. A gay came to me and motivated me to go to casting with him that night. ummm this is the first time for me .....Actually, I really want to go but I denied him because I want to go to the club more. When I met Pui, Christina and Maggie, I told the story which I just met a modeling gay to them. That time I was excited so I didn't notice about still have other person there. After that Pui introduced a man who stood behind her to me. So I knew his name at that time. His name is Larry but at that time I thought his name is Rally so I keep called him like that. (Actually, I heard from Pui that will have a new Malaysian trainee joined with us.) I just said "Hi" to him and continued my story with my friends. (Frankly, at the first time I met him, I felt he was handsome but just only that first sight haha...sorry dear)

Ps......I have just known how to spell his name when we have already been couple and I know that because I chatted with his girlfriend's friend, Suansim and she asked me why I spelled Larry name like that. .... haha

And then we walked around SIAM Center and Christina stopped at a shoes shop. While I was waiting Christina chosen her shoes, Larry came to me and asked my name again. "Um...You didn't care my name at all what you was thinking when Pui introduced me to you" I thought like that when he asked my name.

Afterwards we went to the club but we arrived there a bit late so we didn't get the table inside the club for that reason we had to sit outside.

"This guy was very show off. Did he think, the way he danced was sexy?"

I thought ......and made me don't like him because his dancing style. And then we went inside the club and danced. I said to him that "Don't be naughty" I can remember just only that sentence. Don't ask me why I said like that because until now I haven't found answer yet.

Oh! Yeah! He tried to show that he can drink a lot alcohols, thus he helped me to drink and at the end of the story was he drunk and vomited. haha
This is my first impression which I had to him at that time.....
I hope he will read blog and tell me

what was his impression to me at that time too

My inspiration

2006-10-31T23:33:00.000-08:00

I had watched one romantic movie and I very like that. At that time I don't know about name of movie so I try to find some information about that. Finally, I found that movie was contributed from a novel. "THE NOTEBOOK" is the name of this novel.

man with a faded, well-worn notebook open in his lap.A woman experiencing a morning ritual she doesn't understand.Until he begins to read to her.
THE NOTEBOOK

. . . is an achingly tender story about the enduring power of love, a story of miracles that will stay with you forever. Set amid the austere beauty of coastal North Carolina in 1946, THE NOTEBOOK begins with the story of Noah Calhoun, a rural Southerner returned home from World War II. Noah, thirty-one, is restoring a plantation home to its former glory, and he is haunted by images of the beautiful girl he met fourteen years earlier, a girl he loved like no other. Unable to find her, yet unwilling to forget the summer they spent together, Noah is content to live with only memories. . . until she unexpectedly returns to his town to see him once again.

Allie Nelson, twenty-nine, is now engaged to another man, but realizes that the original passion she felt for Noah has not dimmed with the passage of time. Still, the obstacles that once ended their previous relationship remain, and the gulf between their worlds is too vast to ignore. With her impending marriage only weeks away, Allie is forced to confront her hopes and dreams for the future, a future that only she can shape.
Like a puzzle within a puzzle, the story of Noah and Allie is just beginning. As it unfolds, their tale miraculously becomes something different, with much higher stakes. The result is a deeply moving portrait of love itself, the tender moments, and fundamental changes that affect us all. Shining with a beauty that is rarely found in current literature, THE NOTEBOOK establishes Nicholas Sparks as a classic storyteller with a unique insight into the only emotion that really matters.

This story is my inspiration for creation this blog. I want to keep my love memory in someplace because I want to keep all of my love memories forever and ever.