Worried..

Dear,

Sometimes I feel so helpless when I see you suffer. Now that you are vomiting blood which I don't know how much but I know you have internal stomach problem again, I really feel so heavy. My heart seems to sink when you asked me, "will you die?". I really don't want to be like your dad. Its so hard to go through life without you although I must. It must have been really painful for your dad. And some people just don't know how to smile again when their loved one dies like that. Thank god your dad does.

You know, sometimes when we say you are still young is because you have not gone through this kind of hurt like knowing you can never see, touch or hear the person you have love anymore. For this reason I am young too. But each day I feel like I am closer and closer to become old. I feel like your life would not be long spend with me. I really think its not fair that you have to go through all this and wish I can tell you I really love you and miss you. But those are just words.

Love is selfish too. It wants to possess. It wants to own someones heart and loyalty. It wants to be loved back. I cannot love if you are not with me anymore. I can only feel pain and emptiness without your smile and your touch. I will miss you so greatly to know that a big part of me and my memories have died if you are gone.

Dear, I always pray for your health because I am selfish. Because I don't want you to leave me no matter what. I don't want to part with you wondering have I loved you enough or cared enough for you. But I can't always love you that way. I am not capable. But I am selfish.. I want you. Cause I love you...