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Larry and I

Do you believe in destiny? This blog is all about my love and my boyfriend, Larry. Although I don't know how is our love in future but I just want to keep our memory forever and ever.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Something is nice to share

The parable of the farmer and the wheat

Misery only means that things are not fitting with your desires--and things never fit with your desires, they cannot. Things simply go on following their nature. Lao Tzu calls this nature Tao. Buddha calls this nature Dhamma. Mahavir has defined religion as "the nature of things." Nothing can be done. Fire is hot and water is cool.

The wise man is one who relaxes with the nature of things, who follows the nature of things. And when you follow the nature of things, no shadow is cast. There is no misery. Even sadness is luminous then, even sadness has a beauty then. Not that sadness will not come--it will come, but it will not be your enemy. You will befriend it, because you will see its necessity. You will be able to see its grace, and you will be able to see why it is there and why it is needed.

I have heard an ancient parable--it must be very ancient, because God used to live on the earth in those days. One day a man came to him, an old farmer, and he said, "Look, you may be God, and you may have created the world, but one thing I must say to you: you are not a farmer. You don´t know even the ABC of farming. You have something to learn."

God said, "What´s your advice?"

The farmer said, "You give me one year´s time, and just let things be according to me, and see what happens. There will be no poverty left!"

God was willing, and one year was given to the farmer. Naturally, he asked for the best, he thought only of the best--no thunder, no strong winds, no dangers for the crop. Everything was comfortable, cozy, and he was very happy. The wheat was growing so high! When he wanted sun, there was sun; when he wanted rain, there was rain, and as much as he wanted. This year everything was right, mathematically right. But when the crops were harvested, there was no wheat inside. The farmer was surprised.

He asked God, "What happened? What went wrong?"

God said, "Because there was no challenge, because there was no conflict, no friction, because you avoided all that was bad, the wheat remained impotent. A little struggle is a must. Storms are needed, thunder, lightning is needed. They shake up the soul inside the wheat."

This parable is of immense value. If you are just happy and happy and happy, happiness will lose all meaning. It will be as if somebody is writing with white chalk on a white wall. Nobody will ever be able to read it. You have to write on a black board, then it comes clear. The night is as much needed as the day. And the days of sadness are as essential as the days of happiness. This I call understanding.

Once you understand it, you relax--in that relaxation is surrender. You say, "Thy will be done." You say, "Do whatsoever you feel is right. If today clouds are needed, give me clouds. Don´t listen to me, my understanding is tiny. What do I know of life and its secrets? Don´t listen to me! You just go on doing your will." And, slowly slowly, the more you see the rhythm of life, the rhythm of duality, the rhythm of polarity, you stop asking, you stop choosing. This is the secret. Live with this secret, and see the beauty. Live with this secret, and you will be suddenly surprised: How great is the blessing of life! How much is being showered on you every moment!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Learn to be friend with loneliness

I'm cabin attendant. It's a job which I dream and try to be. Many people were suffered by my ambitious. Especially my dear, Larry. Although I hurt him a lot but he still love me and always beside me.

I have worked for Jalways since May.....Umm eight months already. I was trainnee for six months and I start to be real cabin attendant for 2 months. Seem like I passed so many things in this 8 months. And he too....

I earn more money. I can travel and see the world more than other people. My job is so easy. Don't have much problem. It finish flight by flight. My colleagues change every flight. If you hate someone, it has not much chance to see her again. Seem like very happy life. But where is my happy.

I cry very often since I have worked here. I feel very lonely and always keep thinking about him. Although this is the job I like but I feel bad every time when I have to be alone. I'm trying to be friend with loneliness. But It is not friendly to me. It made me scare and think a lot when I have to be with. sigh...

Everytime I'm weak and sick. The most person will suffer is him. He know my story more than my parent. hehe I tell him everything until sometime I feel it too much for him. I hurt him by my story...sigh... I know how he worried about me. I know how he feel when he know have something bad happend to me but he can not do anything. Don't know how to say, Don't know how to make me feel better........

My health is getting worse. Keep vomotting. Because country change so time change. The more I be like this is the more he nurvous. sighh....

I just hope.. I can be better so he won't suffer anymore