Please love me as the way I am
Last night I had argument with my dad. I will go to Malaysia next month so I asked his permit for this trip. I don't want to lie him anymore. So I told him the truth that I want to go there for my holiday but he scolded me back. I don't know why he always likes me to lie why he can not accept the truth. After my mom passed away I try so hard for making him proud of me. I want to make my dad happy. I want to show everyone that my dad take care me very well. I got the second honest from university. (I tried so hard for getting it) I got the good job and high pay. And I passed the flight attendant interview and will be the flight attendant soon. But seem like he still not happy. Why?.......Just only small thing I want but he can not give it to me. I want to be selfish but I can not. I feel sad when I can not do something for him and I also upset when I can not follow the thing I want to do. .......
At the mean time, I send the message to Larry and he did not reply. I called him but It had not any signal. I very worry about him. I afraid of his accident or bad thing happened. I can contact him in this evening and seem like the phone line is have problem so he didn't got my message. I told him about the thing I did today. I told him I went for Road Show and had many people talk with me. I have a great time today. I also told him about the clients who gave me the e-mail and also asked my contact. I told him everything but seem like he can not accept. I think, I make him upset again. Although he told me that he tried so his voice is like that, but I know he doesn't like the thing I just said. Why not only my dad but he also...... Why? I am the girl who like freedom. I'm the girl who like social. I like to meet new people. I like to travel around. I like someone to pay attention to me (Because when I was young no one care me) but why my dad and Larry can not accept that.
My dad can not accept the truth. Larry always scares and feel insecure in our relationship. And I also want them happy. Sometime I can do the thing they want me to do though I don't like and It's not me. But if I keep doing this, I will don't know who I am. Larry told me it's hard for him to change and how about me? I just want someone love me as the way I am. I want my dad understand me more. I feel very lonely............ Now I want to go to somewhere where is none know me. And that place I can do many things which I want to do. I will know new people and they just one friend in this world. I don't have to care and love them. ....... I want to leave many things now...........Can I do?
posted by Alynn @ 6:50 AM
1 Comments:
At 7:16 PM,
Cal_el said…
Read what you wrote.. yah yah.. You like to socialise and meet new ppl and you like ppl's attention on you. Of course ler, everybody likes that. But somehow you like that more because you feel like nobody cares about you when you were younger. Now you feel that again when ppl feel bad about you getting your "attention". So you just want ppl to love you the way you are and let you do what you want. Even though it does hurt another person. You want to go where someone doesn't know you and cares about you? Would you be much happier there? I think you need to rethink that everybody also want what you want. But why must ppl keep giving you the things you want but you cannot do the same for other ppl? not scolding you. Not raising my voice but think that try to look from another perspective.
And by the way, Larry can accept. He just feels threathened ler. Next day he thinks okler, "My gf likes this kind of attention. I also not there for her. So she can enjoy these attention while she would throw a fit when I get the same attention".. Cause why, I am a guy.. I should always give in to her. She must be happier than me. That is what I am for. I tool for everybody else. Oh look, poor ol'me, no one cares about me and my feelings woo hoo. I need to go somewhere and buy attention.. yeah Jack Daniel's my good friend.. Brruupp..
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