Isolated Christmas

Today is December 25, 2006 when is Chris mas day. Christmas is my favorite festival. I think, this festival is very nice. The weather is cold. Many places are decorated beautifully. Most of people go out for party with their friends, have a great dinner with their family and spend a special time with their lover.

Commonly, I always have fabulous time in this festival such as Christmas day on 2004, I celebrated this festival with my ex-boyfriend at Bi yoke Tower, the highest tower in Thailand. We had sweet time together or Last year I had fun party with a lot of friends in We za Club. But this year....I don't have any plan. My friends are busy and some have date with their couple. I also want to celebrate Christmas with my lover too. I also want to get a special gift from my dear. But he is not here. I just try to forget that today is Christmas. I just assume that today is the same as everyday. Today is not important. Actually, It's very hard because everywhere are decorated with big Christmas Tree, Christmas Song and many things which make me realize that today is Christmas day.

I woke up in this morning and can just only sent a short message to my boyfriend. So sad.....-_-. If my boyfriend read this posting, he will think that I think over again. Because he is not a romantic person so may be he think this day is just only a festival. It's not special. It just as usual day. Anyway today will pass and I can just hope next year I will have the chance to celebrate this festival with my dearest...... Merry Christmas

The Rules of Work

Anticipate Threats

Threats come at us from every quarter, every day-redundancy, downsizing, take overs, vindictive colleagues, irascible bosses, new technology, new systems, new procedures. In fact entire books are devoted to threats-mostly from change such as Who Moved My Cheese and How to Handle Tough Situation At Work. If we can think on our feet, stay out of ruts, be flexible and move fast, roll with the punches and go the distance, we will not only survive change but we shall also be contortionists and athletes of the highest order. Of course, we can't do all that. There will be times when the threat will overtake us and we get squashed. It happens to us all. There is no getting away from the fact that life gets fired at us at point blank range and we rarely if ever get time to duck.

But a threat is always that. Once becomes a reality we can deal with it. While it is still a threat it induces fear but can do no harm. Spotting which threat will turn into a reality is the skill. The talent. There are many threats and we can't react to all of them. There are fewer realities and we have to react to them.

It helps if we don't see threats as threats, but instead as opportunities. Each threat that becomes a reality is an opportunity to grow and change, adapt and rework our methods and style of management. If our attitude is positive we tend to see threats less as a negative thing and more as a positive thing they bring us the chance to prove ourselves. If we never get challenged we will never improve.

"EACH THREAT THAT BECOMES A REALITY

IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GROW AND CHANGE."

(The Rules of work by Richard Templar)

Living Life on a String..

Ever feel like you have lost your way and don't know where to go? Ever walk on a road more than half way through and only to realise that there is a nothing but a cliff awaits you at the end? If you know what awaits you at the end is a terrible thing, would you still walk ahead?

Actually, there are no certainty in life. What seems like a cliff could be the edge with a panaromic view above a beautiful valley. Things like that cannot be set for sure. I have also live life very recklessly. Cause I just want to see what is at the end there, that is all..

Now, take a look at what I have just said as your ambition. You know that many ppl tell you that there is nothing but sorrow awaits you at the end there. But like a moth attracted to fire, you want to fly straight towards it just to know what is in the fire.. You will get burn but yet you still want to go for it because somehow you got the idea that this is what you want all your life. You seem so sure of that. Or are you?

Sometimes even I cannot walk with you because this is what you wanted more than anything else. I can only stand and watch. If I encourage you, and you do obtain your goals but with the price of your health.. again I can only see you hurt, feel bad and worried.

But if I discourage you, your life seems void of flavours and you feel lost. Someone did say that love is also about learning to let go. My parents had to let me go and explore the world as I grew up. So they let me go and I am here working in a home away from home. And as a lover of yours, should I let you go for the sake of your ambition?

I do think that we are not defined according to our occupation. And I also know overtime, a desire could change and what seems like the most important thing in the world for us once could be replaced by something else or maybe even someone else.

Lynn, realise that you can be all that you want to be with me. You can go forward for the sake of your ambition. And all things will change even if we don't like it. But if we have the power to choose, we must ask ourselves, is it all worth it? If you know the answer for sure because despite what the outcome, it is that you walked this road that matters to you. Walk on..

How to lose the guy in 10 days

Episode 3

The last supper

He stayed in Bangkok nearly 10 days. I asked him hanged out with me and my friends for dinner. We went to Sizzler , SIAM Center. Of course, I asked Kit, Pui, Christina and Champ. He was very pity at that time because nobody like him. We thought he was strange, annoying, stupid. Thus none wanted to talk with him anymore.That dinner all of us spoke in Thai and no one care he would understand or not. I noticed he tried to start the conversation but none want to talk with him. I and Kit are the good friend. We always have same personality and have familiar situations so we understand each other quite well. Frankly, I had good feeling with Kit that time. He is my type. He is nice, warm, mature, friendly and clever. I had thought if we were couple, it would be great!!!!. (Sorry, dear :P)

He was obviously bored during dinner. We had a great time. We talked in Thai and forgot he was there. Finally, he tried to do something for calling our attention. He walked out and said he would go to toilet and then we saw him walked around in front of the restaurant like crazy chap!.

And then he came back at the table but none care him. So he did many annoying things such as sighed, slept etc. May be he thought that performance could call our interest. He did a big mistake because I felt very bad with those things and I felt he didn't have manners at all!!.

Finally, he said something but I can not remember what he said. Whatever it made us stop talked and checked bill.

After dinner, I planed to watch King Kong movie with Kit. He was sad but I didn't care. That night my friends told me that he said something about me after I had left. He met me at SIAM center at first time and the last time he met me was the same place, he said. Um .....After I heard, I thought, it was great. Finally he gave up!!!!!!...........

Love and Expectation

Love is not sad or somethig is bad.
Love has only a good thing for each other.
The bad things between couple are not happended by love.
but they are happended by expectations.
Many people think love can do everything.

Is it true?

Expectation can happen with every couples.
What will happen if they have different expectations?
If you do something for your lover but that thing was not the one your lover expected,
That thing will be useless.
And you will feel upset because you tried a lot but you didn't get anything back.
You should not think, you are only giver and your couple are only receiver.
Because sometime your lover had gave something to you but that thing was not the
thing you want, so you forgot that and it was usless for you too.
When 2 persons have different opinions and have too high expectation, then lover will be suffered.

Love doesn't want expectation. You should do when you want to do.

And you should do without want any feedback.
And you should receive when your lover want to give that to you by himself/herself.

Love ... Dream and Truth

"Love".....many people think it is a good feeling which we give to someone. "YES" It's a correct idea but it's not just only give love to someone. You still can love many people by your heart (although you have only one heart but you still can have many people in your heart....ummmm Is it naughty?) It will be naughty or not? It's up to what kind of love you give.

"Love".....you can have for everybody but how many people are important for you. Your friends ...how you give love to them? Did you care them enough? Did you make them feel your are their best friend? Did they feel at least they still have you to be their friend?

"Love"....for lover is different from friend. Love for lover is more precious. You always need your lover is happy and pleasure when he/she is with you. Moreover, when you are close to him/her, you always are happy too.

"Love".....is not just only give but you also have to learn how to recieve. By the way, you can not be the one who recieve but you also have to learn how to give.

Many people don't know how to give love to their lover. They want to see their lover are happy until they forgot to see their happiness. Hence, if you feel you give something to someone too much until you are not happy, you should stop do that. Becasue it not just only hurt yourself but also hurt your lover. Because you will not happy to do something for your lover but you will do because consideration.

"Dream"....I think, many people who have love will have many dreams with their lover. They always paint their dream together. Such as we will love each other forever and ever. We will not fight. We will plan to do many things together. We and we....... Many dreams and many expectations. But how we will handle situation when those dreams are not come true.

"Truth"....Many people hate this word. Many people can not accept truth because they afraid. Many lovers can not accept their disappointment when their dream didn't come true. They will accuse each other for failure. Then they will break up. Hence, If you dare to set high dream which your lover, you should dare to accept the failure and truth. You can choose between dream is just a dream or you can make that dream come true.

"Truth"...is not a feeling. "Truth"...is not an idea. The truth is important not because it is simply true. It is important because truth is what defines who and what we believe in.

"Love ==> Dream ==> Truth" Love makes dream and dream makes truth so me and you will make our dream come true with our love.

Does anyone understand anybody?

Life always have its ups and downs. I think recently there is more down. I know many ppl want some instant gratification. They want some plan, some direction which requires planning. That is part of my job, part of my love life.. I know that there are ppl who depend on me like my bosses, my senior, my colleagues, my technicians and my love too. There is also my parents.. Sometimes I feel like being away from them is already letting them down..

The list will be longer and longer as I get older. I am always afraid to let them down. But I still do. I tried hard but I guess not hard enough. I guess this is where heroes falter. In the movies, there is a one moment where the scene climaxed and the balance of good and evil could swing in either direction and the ending of the movie is decided in the turn of these events... This is where the hero overcomes all odds and triumph at the end and decide to say something fancy in summary leaving all the audience feeling a little warmth in them. Some how in the back of everybody's head, they wanted to say that or wanna be told those very words; all is safe, all that ends is good and you can rest assure that the bad guy is gone.. (but these days there are so many sequels so there is hardly endings like that)..

My point of telling all that is.. life is not like the movies. Yes, we might occasionally triumph in our own obstacles. We might be able to rise to the occasions and exit to be a better person. But we don't always do. We aren't always the hero in our own lives. We might just be the villain because the ppl around you thinks that we are lazy, we are not determined enough. We are just not good enough. Is it this very fear that is driving me all along? Are these fears that make me conform?

I am an engineer. Part of my job is to standardize ppl and machines and processes. And I am being made so too (standardized). I like some part of it. But when I was a student I did had some rebel streak. I was usually late, didn't do homework properly, insulting teachers by answering their examination papers with poetry, drawing tankers and stick man soldiers in my grade 11 biology examination paper (but guess what? I got 2 points for that drawing.. haha).. I did that in uni too and nearly got expelled.. I have learned since then.. Or have I? I think that the last doodle I made got me kicked of my rented room just 2 months ago. Looks like I have not learned.

Finally, to summarize this.. I am a rebel. I am not meant to be anybody's hero. I realised that. I wanted to be a hero. But its just too hard. Now can I be the useless good for nothing bum? I don't want to be anybody's hope. I will just let them down.. I guess I can't. I have to go on this path because I made too many promises. But can anybody out there realise that I too want to be taken care of ? Where is my Fortress of Solitude?